I saw a therapist over my gender yesterday. She's worked with a lot of FTM's so yeah. I spoke with her with my dad. And it was relieving I think. For some reason you don't see a lot of trans people talking about their therapy experience.

It's a little weird though, apparently insurance companies don't want to cover gender-dysphoria with their mental-health-thing..

So... We faked them out. XD;

But I feel better now because, I dunno. I guess it finally hit me that what I'm going through is perfectly okay and normal and worrying about what other people think comes after that. I mean, it's something I KNEW, but I didn't believe entirely. It also hit me that it's something I can do something about.

I'm a little worried that my Mom won't agree to let me get any kind of medical treatment or my name changed though. Out of spite for me. There are things we can do about it if she does, but I mean, that kind of betrayal just scares me, and she's already betrayed me. I can't trust her anymore.

I haven't spoken to her in forever.

But on a different note, I can't help feeling like I have to prove my masculinity. I'm not a very masculine person, I'm just a girlish boy rather than a boyish girl. I keep telling myself that since I really am a boy, it'll become apparent. But part of me doesn't believe that.

Blehhhh...

~Riku