Okay, so every year this school sends out a form and it's all like "LOL you have a "race" thing and it has to be one of THESE." And the choices are like "Back, white, African American, Native American, Alaskan, Asian blah blah blah" and I'm like A) Why the hell do they care about my "Race" It really doesn't matter towards my education. B) I'm not ANY of those things. I'm a mutt, so I've got African in me... Well, technically EVERYONE is African. But Some of my ancestors hung out in Russia and Germany somewheres along the line. And C) why can nobody make up their mind what "Race" I am. My "Vital Statistics" from when I was born say I'm "White" but I'm always being called "Black" and "African American" and such. It's ridiculous.

Okay, in other news, I see a therapist on Saturday. I feel a little weird about that. It's like the next step for me I guess. But I like, have no idea what's up or down. Oh and crap. I'll have to miss Capoeira. D: I totally forgot about that. Darn, and I was looking forward to it. I'm starting to get the hang of it. And if you can get the footwork down right everything flows so perfect. It's so much fun. Sad that I'm missing it. Bleh.

And, I kind of have this fear that she's gonna tell me, "No you're not transgender, you're just a lesbian" even though I know she won't because she's worked with a lot of transgender people. But I'm so used to people thinking they know my head better than I do and making the wrong judgments. Although, I figure, since I really am a boy, it'll show.

And I feel kind of weird lately because I'm not "passing" all of the time. And I've still got friends who think of me as female. And I dunno. I just don't like being in this in-between spot. I want to be seen as "male", but I want my like, official gender to be transmale. Because like, I don't think "MALE" works for me entirely, because I did spend a good amount of time being "female". And that's a part of me too, I don't want to disregard it. But the stupid gender binary is confining. "YOU'RE MALE or YOU'RE FEMALE. THERE IS NO IN BETWEEN" D:

And, I'm worried that my mom won't sign for me to get my name changed (In my state you need both parents signatures if you're a minor) when I decide to prompt her on it, (Which I'll probably do soon after this therapy thing gets rolling and I figure out what I need to do or whatever.) not because she doesn't like me being trans, but out of spite for me, you know, in general. Because she's the kind of person to do that. And I really want to change my name (legally, (as opposed to illegally XD)) as soon as possible. But I haven't spoken to my mom much since I got back from Florida. And she's shown no signs of respect for me (or my privacy). -_-;

And I don't want to wait until I'm 18 if possible. Because that's irksome. I'm hoping to get my license next year, and it'll be annoying to have the thing say my girl name on it. (Well, the "Gender: F" thing will be annoying also. But I'll have to deal with that for now.) I don't get why people make such a big fugging deal about what's between your legs or what color your skin is. Or what part of the world you got that skin color from. It's what's between your ears that matters, all of this racial and gender bias (As well as other dumb biases) is just fabricated BS that's really starting to get on my nerves.

Speaking of which, my Graphics Design teacher is really sexist. She gets all "I tell the cute girls to help boys because it helps them concentrate." And stuff. And I'm like, well A) that's stupid, because guys often just get more distracted about having a cute girl over their shoulder directing them. And B) What if the guy is gay? XD I mean seriously.

Oh gawds, we're doing this "12 reasons" project in that class. I'm so tempted to do something like "12 reasons to crossdress" And I could have like, 6 reasons for girls to crossdress, and 6 reasons for boys. but I get the feeling that wouldn't go over very well with my teacher, or my classmates. XD; (I see it now "Are you GAY!?" (Me: "Yes and no?")*gasp of dramatic* "OMG he's GAY!" "Well that makes sense because he's got awesome designing skills of fabulous." And I should stop now because I obviously ate some bad grapes.) It'd be hilarious though.

Also, I need to study. So I'm gonna go. :O

Besides the tests I've got to do, tomorrow should be pretty fabulous as well, I need to draw some stupid stuff for Sora so she doesn't kill me when I don't have a gift... And I really like that word fabulous. It's so artsy.

Ha, my brain like, died and I haven't even started studying yet. XD;

~Riku