*I just want to say thank you to Lol-taire and Neutrina for their comments in my last journal,they were very much appreciated.*
I'm not still feeling like I want to die. But I am still feeling very down and just not like myself. I suppose I haven't really documented very well what has been going on with me recently. I suppose it can be broken down into three seperate situations
(a)My sister and bro-in-law have been having many many troubles in their releationship.He individually was having some problems in his life that he talked to me about,he also started to spend a lot of time with me. I was a friend to him and felt bad about what he was going through. But honestly that ended up getting me nothing but hassle and upset. He started to lean on me far too much with his problems, which became a problem for my sister and for me. Their problems started to engulf my life to the point I could not get any sleep because they were calling me in the middle of the night...nights out with friends were ruined because they were both calling me etc.
As a result I just had to ask them to not contact me for a while.Which has been somewhat of a relief, but also feels weird and I know my situation with them has only been put on the shelf for now.I am still going to have to talk things out with them.
(B)The next situation I am dealing with is a falling out with someone who I thought was one of my best friends.In the last few months he has helped me out so much and done so much to help me get out of the closet.But he did some very nasty things to some of my friends for no explainable reason on a night out.As a result I have had to distance myself from him.Even though I am probably better away from him in the long run,I actually feel like I have just been left adrift without him.He was the person that helped me sort out my problems.I never really expected him to be on my list of problems.
(c)Thirdly there is the coming-out-of-the-damn-closet thing.My lgbt society sign up is tomorrow.One of the girls from the society has been really nice and been emailing me about sign-up and details on society events.Tomorrow after all the signing-up has been finished everyone from the society is having a short meeting and then heading to a gaybar.I am horribly nervous about it.I have been feeling kind of down and fragile lately so I am not sure socialising with a group of people I don't know very well is going to be a good thing.
Basically I feel really alone right now and seem to have lost the people I really thought I could lean on.