It is roughly a week until I go back to college.At this time of year I always seem to end up looking back at where I was this time last year or the year before.... Which inevitably leaves me thinking about where I wanted to be then and where I want to be now.The truth is I still haven't progressed to where I would like to be at any stage along this timeline.
I'm not sure why.I guess I am the only one holding me back really.
I always seem to end up having horribly negative thoughts about myself that scare me too much from doing anything.But this Summer some things have changed for me a little bit.I came out a little bit more,and have a recieved a lot more support that maybe if I had of had a long time ago I would not still be in my present situation.But that again comes down to me holding myself back.
I guess something major that I am concerned about is that I have put all my hopes for getting more out there and meeting new gay people into joining my lgbt club.But I am kind of worried that what if I don't fit in or it goes badly for me.What do I do then?Last year I had the support of someone who I thought was a good friend but have recently realised I made an awful judgement call on his character and he is actually a bastard who I need to stay away from.
So I guess I am feeling a little alone starting this college year.I only really have one friend left at college as the other one's have all dropped out.
I dunno perhaps I over-analyze everything far too much.Why couldn't I just decide to join the club and go along for the fun with no stressing?