Well I came-out to another friend a couple of days ago.It turns out she had already guessed.I had a feeling she did know as a lot of conversations with her seemed to steer around to openings for me to tell her.It was probably one of the best comming-outings I've had so far,if that makes any sense?She is a good bit older than any of my other friends,so maybe it was her maturity about the situation that helped.Once I told her it was like I was able to really open up to her about all the stuff that has been rattling about my head and all my insecurities about it.I talked to her for hours and hours about it,and when I went home I felt different,like a huge weight had been lifted off me.
It is weird because even though I have known her for well over five years,we were never really close close or anything.So I guess thats why it felt strange to open up to her.She was encouraging me big time to tell my family,and a lot of stuff she was telling me was making a lot of sense.I'll be seeing my sister and brother-in-law later and I have been thinking to come-out to them too.I told her that the other day and she has been texting me messages of support and encouragement.Which I know was nice,but I also feel a bit weird about.I know I have to do it,and do it for me.But I guess with someone else knowing and pushing me I feel extra pressure or something?
I was talking to my other friend.I have mentioned him before,but I am not sure if I gave him a name so I'll refer to him as Bill here.He is the guy that repeatedly asked me out last year until I told him I am a total homo.He seems like such a nice guy,but he confuses me so much sometimes.I just don't know what he does be thinking.When I told him I was gay he was crushed.But he did the whole friend thing and was cool about it,and honestly I don't think I'd be half as near as comfortable about it if it wasn't for him helping me out...litterally.But at the same time I sometimes am not even sure if he 100% believes I am gay.Like for the end of the school year he was being totally supportive and helping.Then he would come out with stupid stuff like oh maybe you a are wrong.You have just completely written men off wothout ever having tried.Or maybe you are bisexual.Then when I was talking to him last night on the phone,and I was talking about my friends sister that I am ridiculusly attracted to.He was all like you know maybe you only think that you like her.You know the way sometimes you see a really good-looking person and think you should be attracted to them but you aren't so you try and convince yourself that you are.I was thinking eh no...I think thats what I used to do about guys.
If you have read this far...maybe some advice or thoughts on this guys intentions would be nice =]
Like I am not sure if he really is the super nice supportive friend he seems.Or he actually still hasn't accepted I am gay.