I am not sure if I have been happier lately or just busier.This summer has definitly been a lot more enjoyable than any other summer.I went on holidays for a month to the other side of the world,and since getting back,just over a month ago I have barely had one day where I had nothing to do or nobody to hang out with.
I seem to have gotten much better at making friends.Mainly because I tend to be a lot more willing to go out and socialise,or generally just hang with people than I used to be.But sometimes I feel like I am just going along with everyone to keep everyone happy as opposed to spending time doing something that I want to do.But then when given the time to do that I have no idea what it is that I actually want to do.
Ultimatley I think this is going to come back to me still being in the closet to a lot of people.I have been spending a lot of time with friends from work.They are my main social circle at the moment while I'm off college for the summer.They are a cool bunch of people.I do worry a little bit about telling them I'm a homo,but more than that I think once I do actually tell them I can't really run from it anymore.I think I still have a problem with being gay.I'm still horribly uncomfortable about it.So I come out completely...then what?How do I proceed?
I joined an lgbt group at college at the end of the year.I want to go back to it in September when I get back to college.But I am also really scared about going.I think if I just go and stop thinking about it I would be a lot better off.I have a huge problem with over-thinking things and then scaring myself.Usually when I just numb my mind and do something that if I thought about it would be shit scared,it all turns out fine.
I had a weird dream last night that I put on my bebo page that I'm gay and was then freaking out about it.Weird.
Anyways got to go now.It's finally stopped raining I can go to the shops now.