So I literally just got off the phone with my mom. She lives in MO and its about an 8 hour drive from my dads house. I miss her so much, when I decided to move to my dads I was on bad terms with my mom. That was in October. We had a really good conversation, it lasted for about half an hour when our usual ones last 5 minutes. She was at work at a job she hates; shes an accountant. We almost hung up once because we sort of ran out of stuff to talk about and I was like you don't have to go do you? I was on the verge of tears the entire phone call. We just talked about random things like piercings and friends and how everybody was, it was great. I called her with intentions to come out to her. But just when I thought I was going to do it one of her co-workers came in her office and started talking about work stuff and she had to go.

What kind of scared me from doing it while I was talking to her though was that I told her I wanted to get my nose pierced and she went on and on about how I would look when I'm older and what people would think. Also, I made a comment about guitar and becoming some famous rock star and moving to California... she was like that would be great and I wouldn't have to work anymore. I really don't want to be some rock star but saying stuff like that is giving her hints and lets her know what I want to do when I'm older, atleast I think it does in a way. She then continued on to tell me how the chances of that actually happening are slim.

This is the second time I've almost come out to her. The first time instead of saying it I asked her if she would love me no matter what. She said yes and then asked why I asked her that, i then made up some excuse for having to hang up now. I'm so pissed at myself. I hate doing this and hurting. And what makes it worse is that I'm doing it to myself.
I really should find something else to think about because this is getting to me. When you were in the closet was coming out/gay things all you could think about? Its everywhere I turn and it won't go away.