I feel like utter crap. The feeling I’m feeling is totally worthless in itself. I feel down because its sinking in real deep, the understanding that I am obviously not as important to him as he is to me.

I just checked his myspace five minutes ago and his headline was “Party party party!!!!!!” and his mood was rebellious and he posted those changes no longer than 34 minutes ago. It made me feel close, yet so incredibly far away at the same time.

I talked with my therapist today. We both acknowledged that my good friend and me have a pattern. That being I spend an extended period of time away from my good friend and then he finally starts to call me and want to do things with me and we do stuff for a while only for him to move away again. Even my therapist thought that was crap. Obviously there is not a level field of friendship here. He has more friends than me and can get by without me and simply does, often not paying attention to me because of it. Can you blame him though? He’s more of a guy than I am, more typical I mean. Isn’t it only natural for him not to think of me?

Either way all that’s happening is hurting me inside. It’s crap and I don’t think there’s anything I can do but repeat the whole pattern.