Ya I'm still an angel. And I don't feel pain. Or something.
I often see how things are going to work out with people, how situations are going to play out, no matter what the "plan" is. I would think most people can, to one extent or another. And I know. But I stick around anyways, because ya never know - people could surprise you.
But they don't. Not in a good way, and not in a bad way. I know, and I hang around to see it all happen; to check whether my senses were right, to find out whether a crazy, heartwarming possibility ever manifests itself. I let people be themselves and show me who they are. I don't pressure or manipulate even in the slightest; I don't judge, and mostly don't stereotype. I open up my heart without sharing my own drama.
And I get hurt. I like to think/feel that it is mostly disappointment for having wasted another night. Like eating that simple, beautiful-looking box of sushi, fully aware of the fact that it is quite likely not so healthy anymore, yet unable to resist the pull of hunger. Then again, maybe I feel disrespected or simply don't get what I want, and those things silently spill into my disappointment.
I want to help heal people's hearts, somehow take care of the ones I know. My own is still waiting for a savior.
I wish the little non-judgemental, freeflowing, chill bubble that I create could help people heal, somehow; or at least give them space to be who they want to be, love who they want to love, help them figure things out, or just be at peace.