CAMP!!?!???!!

gaynow's picture

Woah. So, It less than a week, I'm going off to sleepaway camp for the first time ever, for a 5 week period. The most I've ever been away from home on my own is 3 days, tops. And I've always had a little bit of separation stuff (or something... a mild degree of separation anxiety, I guess), and lately my pho-insomnia has flared up again (where I start stressing about not being to get to sleep, and the stressing keeps me up and leads to less sleep which leads to more stressing.... -.- ) and I'm just... worried.

It's a composing camp and everyone there will be super musical, and while I'm very musical I've had little to no training and I've got no technical skill, so I'm worried I might pale in comparison to everyone. Then there's the, oh god, what if I didn't remember everything, what if I pack nothing I need and spend the whole time miserable and supply-less, or what if it turns out all my new clothes don't fit me and I have nothing to wear... and of course, there's the age-old, will I make friends? Will I get by without my friends from home? Will I get a good roommate or will my dorm life be hell?

Then there are worries about my creative flow, about the pho-insomnia thing, that amorphous first-time-away-from-home anxiety... and a part of me is worried there'll be homophobia there. It's a camp in New Hampshire, and it is artsy and music-y, but still... I have to live with these people for 5 weeks, I can't afford to piss them off. It would go against my principles to be quiet and closeted... I don't know. How have people handled being out at camp? God, this is so weird, it's been more than a year since I stressed about coming out to anyone... I don't like this feeling =( advice please?

Comments

msquared's picture

You'll be fine.

A music camp in the Northeast? Although there are jerks everywhere and it's possible there may be some citizens there who aren't so keen on the gays, overall I don't foresee any gay-burnings. My friend just got back from a music camp in Illinois and said the place could piss rainbow. Not all camps are the same, but I think that's a pretty good sign you'll be golden at your camp.

I myself recently arrived back from a summer camp run by the American Legion, which is of course a pretty conservative organization (to give an example, there was prayer at every assembly). Including me, there were four gay guys in my hall alone.

As for your fear of looking inferior to your peers and your "faux-phobia" of being away from home, you can look at your situation in one of two ways: a stressful experience where you won't learn much, or a learning experience that will profoundly improve your intelligence and yourself as a whole. It's completely your choice how you'll view it. Of course I recommend the latter. I suspect that many of your campmates will be in the same boat as you are knowledge-wise, but if not, try not to look at them as intellectual snobs--treat them as people you can learn from. No one is out to get you!

“Never forget! The higher we soar, the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche

kumar2011's picture

dont worry...i have these

dont worry...i have these same anxiety thoughts...if ur great they will think ur great....i think ur great and i dont even know u....u can always make freinds where ever u go.... bout the forgettin to pack certain things...take ur time and why not try ur clothes on before u go....

Theres always something to laugh about in life...

loreonpravus's picture

I would loooove to go to

I would loooove to go to overnight camp, but I think I'd be hit by anxiety, wouldn't anyone? Actually, I'd like to go to a musical one too, but I think then everybody would all be brilliant at whatever they did and I'd be the one plinking in the dust...

I'm sure you'll be fine.

fatefellshort's picture

Going for a walk or some

Going for a walk or some sort of exercise in the evening might help the insomnia.

You have just as much a right to be there at camp as everyone else. Let your creativity flow and don't worry about what others think. This summer camp, and your entire life even, are YOUR experiences to do what YOU want with. Besides, none of us get out alive anyway.. =]