Girls in vancouver are oh so pretty. I just got back from a trip there, I live in winnipeg - where the girls here aren't bad either. Anywhos, I was just chatting with one of my friends about the girls in van that is heading out there next week about it, and I just got really depressed! I love it out there (being a winnipeger and all, vancouver is pretty much seen as a 100x more desirable place to live lol).

When out there, I came out to another buddy of mine (right at the end of the trip though, unfortunately), just as he took a big bite of pie too! Twas a golly time =) At first we were gonna call it a night after that, but after I told him I guess he wanted to chat a bit more, so he took me to the beach (forget the name of the place though lol), but it was super nice. I'm glad he knows now though. Like, I could have gone without telling him, wouldn't have made much of a difference I don't think, but it was still nice having him know.

It's getting so easy to come out to people now. It's sort of just like a, 'f-it' type of attitude towards it all. It's a rather nice feeling I guess.

Although, summers a different story for me. I work at a summer camp all summer. For me this means, living on a island out in lake of the woods for just over 3 months on a island with people I hardly see though out the school year (none of my sity friends work out there). Out at camp, no one knows I'm bi. I think the scariest part for me is that both my older brothers work out there too, and they are the two most scariest people for me to have know. I just feel that they would be embarrassed or ashamed. I know they will always love me, and treat me like a sister, but I can't help but feel that they;d be upset/disappointed you know? Who wants to have a gay sister?

But why not at least have a couple people out there know right? Well, out there, anything is eeeeeveryones business. Everyone knows everything about everybody (it's like one of the first laws of being in the jewish community lol (it's a jewish camp fyi!))! I just have a horrible feeling that even if I told one person, it would spread like wild fire. Two summers ago, I hooked up with this boy out there during one of our staff parties. The next morning, on my way to the friggin washhouse I'd have people stop and jokingly ask me how my night was, etc. I had a couple hickies that morning too, which certainly didn't help, I told him no hickies too... BUT anywhos, I made it up to the dining hall for some breakfast and my oldest brother was there. The smirk on his face - he totally knew! It was embarrassing. It was also the first time I had gotten drunk around my brothers. I pulled up my hoodie to cover my neck and walked into the dining hall. That was an awkwardly funny morning!

Now, if I were to come out as bi out there, I would expect the same kind of chain reaction, but like, 10x worse. Cuz' it's not like, "oh haha, she got drunk and hooked up with so and so," but rather like, "o-m-Gee! she is totally gay! who ever thought she is gay! like o-m-gee! I totally get naked around her all the time [when changing, skinny dipping], I wonder if she like, checks me out, do her brothers know?! like o-m-geeeeee!!" etc etc Now, the hype of it all would last about a day or two, but it would kinda linger around after the initial boom still I think. It's just, a process that I'd rather not have to go through. It's not like being out would make a real positive difference for me anyways, nothing would really change. Everyone (at least all the girls), as far as my knowledge takes me, is straight. So why even consider coming out in the first place you know? It's not like I'd ever consider making a move on one of them, so why? Knowing whether I'm straight/bi/les out there would not actually change anything for me, except having that awkward feeling of being pointed out as one of the only gay people on the whole freakin island. No one likes to be pointed out as a black sheep right? At least not me in the this particular case.

If anyone for some reason asks me, I won't hesitate to let them know though. I don't really care thaaat much if everyone knew. It's simply a little hassle that I'd rather not have to deal with out there.