Well I guess I feel ok, though that may be an overstatement. I just read the post that Jeff wrote on my last journal entry and there was some sense to it. I’m making all the apparent moves. My friend is never calling me, the most he’s done is text me, twice, and only one of them was actually fully addressed to me. Then in the second one he said “Hey dude id call ya but im really tired so ill talk to ya tomorrow then night man…Ill call u this time lol. (hope I remember? Lol.)” It was at ten oclock at night. Then like I said in my last entry he didn’t end up calling me, I called him. I really am going to have to stop communicating with him. It’s time for him to make a move, for crying out loud. I’ve been waiting for a call from him for a month and a half at least now, if not two months, and I haven’t gotten one.

Does anyone think that he could have actually just plain forgotten to call me? Or does anyone think that he may have said what he said because he wanted an excuse to be able to not call me? I’m still concerned that he has been bothered about what I’ve told him about myself. Every time I talk to him or get a text it always sounds fine, maybe even a little positive, but he’s never making any moves. I just know that has to mean something, whether it’s simply that he’s totally and overwhelmingly busy or that he just doesn’t want me or SOMETHING anymore. I don’t know what it is though, and he’s not talking so I may not know.

In my last phone call with him I said we needed to do something this summer and he said yeah, but other than that I have nothing to go on from him. I know I need to wait for his call but what if he simply doesn’t call, I don’t think I could just forget someone as important as he’s been. I mean, "The friendship that can cease has never been real." As Saint Jerome said. If I go half way through the summer without a phone call I feel I should call him, but if he hasn’t I’m over stepping a boundary and then things get even more shittier. I don’t know how to give up on this and I’m not ready to. I think it’s crap because I could give up on so much else, so much else, but this one person is so damn important to me…it’s ridiculous! Why can’t I use this type of energy to be a positive person? That’s all it takes to get somewhere after all, positivity, it’s even free, yet I don’t take much or any of it.

I hope someone hears me, I need something, any response would be nice.