My parents are demanding to be involved with the decision on my name.
I can't find on one on my own, apparently.
But, they're also putting off the name thing, because it makes them uncomfortable. Meaning I'm stuck in a nameless limbo. Half of me wants to say "screw you!" and choose my own name, but I need their support on this. I've started talking about how I'm nameless in emails and stuff- dropping it wherever I can fit it - to see if that's harder for them than letting me have a name that isn't female. Who knows?
When I was in middle school, I was totally into this show called Gundam Wing. In it, there's a character named Trowa, who actually had no name (He took the name 'Trowa' from some soldier he took down or something). They called him "Nanashi" (Japanese for "nameless"). I guess I'm a Nanashi, right now.
I want a name. I think that's a pretty legitimate thing to want. I can see why they're holding out- for one thing, it drags out this process even more. My parents work that way. They agree with you seemingly wholeheartedly, but dig their toes into the ground and slow stuff down as much as they can, all the while claiming to still believe thoroughly in the cause. Very passive-aggressive.
I can see why it's hard for them. They keep telling me I have to be patient with them- but if they force this to go how everything else in our household goes... (the walls in the upstairs and downstairs hall are bare drywall. They have been bare since fifth grade. I am now in college. They still haven't decided on a color to paint the walls. There hasn't been a banister on the stairs for that entire time. Because of that, I have fallen down the stairs with laundry baskets several times- one time with concussion.)
If this goes like everything else goes with them, I'm fucked.
I know I have to be patient with them, but I have things I need from them- and if they're not going to give me those things, I'd rather they didn't pretend they're going to give me those things. I need to know what they can do, and what they won't.
I just want a name. I'm not real without a name.
Oh, well. If they refuse to get it together, the trans shrink will put them in their place. Or I will. Or something. I'll name myself.