So I came out to the new friend I've been stressing about coming out to.
Well, not exactly "Yo I'm gay, yay!!" More like "Well I dated a girl."

It went fine, just like I thought it would.
Her face kinda lit up, her cheeks went a little rosy, and she said, "Wow! I never knew you were into chicks!" Then she said that she thinks she could date a girl, which led to a discussion about how, for a lot of people, sexuality doesn't fit so neatly into a box that can just be labeled
"gay" or "straight."

But oh my god!!! Telling people is like the scariest thing!!! How many people do I have to tell before I get used to this???
And another thing: I work with her, and I didn't tell her to keep it a secret because that would be awkward for me, awkward for her, and most of all, it would make it seem as though it's something I'm ashamed of, which I so totally am not (most of the time). I don't want to advocate hiding who you are. Still, I can't help but feel nervous. Lately, not being out at work has left me feeling sort of squished, but that doesn't mean I'm jumping at the opportunity for everyone to know! I'm terrified!!

I'm also lonely. I wish I had a gay friend I could call and tell all this to, someone who would congragulate me for my bravery, knowing exactly what it's like. Unfortunately, the only queer chick I know is my ex, and we're not exactly on speaking terms.

Still, I'm proud of what I've done, even though I'm still a little freaked out. At least it's the kind of fear that makes me feel alive, which is a lot better than the soul crushing fear I feel when I hide my sexuality/dating life.

All I want is to be me. And I want it to be okay. And I want to find others like me. Not just on the computer(wonderful as you all are) but in real life.