Time for some journaling before I commence with study for yet another exam tomorrow.It feels like they have been going on forever.It's only been a week,but what an incredibly long week it has been.As I mentioned in my previous entry,I don't think they have gone very well.But to be honest I really don't know what I have passed and failed.
I assure myself I can't of been a good student all year and know nothing for these exams.But on the other hand I haven't studied as much as I should have.Like a lot of the stuff I see on the paper I recognise but it's like I just don't have it all together completely in my head to write it down very well.But I suppose whats done is done now.I can't change it.Just keep powering through.
In other news I have been really cranky today.I feel like I am angry at my friend for something.But I am not sure what that something is.He hasn't done anything that I know of to piss me off.He is my friend and I love him,but he can also be annoying at times.I think some days I have a lower tolerance than other days for stuff he does to annoy me.
My other friend is also bugging me a little bit.She is constantly calling me to help her with stuff for the exams.But the thing is she skipped class for a lot of the year.I don't mind helping,but when it starts to get in the way of my own study it becomes annoying.I probably sound like a total bitch.I don't mean to be though.I think I am just cranky today.
I also had a realization yesterday in work.It was one of those you kind of know things,but then it slaps you in the face and you think wow.I realised the extreme lengths of discomfort I put myself through hiding being gay.A girl from work that I have become friendly with recently,we'll call her K,has been pestering me for weeks to go out with her,her boyfriend and his best friend.I sort of had a feeling she has been trying to set me up with him.Thus I've been avoiding and making excuses to not go out.Then she said it to me straight out yesterday.She asked if I'd like to be "fixed up".My response was eh...no its ok...thanks.It was around about then I realised how uncomfortable I make myself making excuses to avoid those situation or actually ending up in those situations.
So yes I am resolved to coming out of the closet this summer when I get back from my travels.I know I have been saying it for a long time,but I think I actually will do it.Things have changed a bit for me making it seem a little easier.I have come-out to more supportive friends and made one or two gay ones.So I feel better about going for it.
Anyways I have really gone on and on here.So I best be off to study=(
p.s think I am getting better at spotting lesbians...seen a girl on the bus and thought I bet she is gay...then overheard her ipod playing tegan and sara songs.She was cute.