...baby you're never far enough away.

This line from the Girlyman song "Postcards from Mexico" sums up a lot of what has been happening in my life and what I've been feeling lately.
There hasn't been anything specifically about Mexico, but feeling of the line is clear enough: I miss you, but when your around, life is hell.

Now, my feeling about this is more figurative than literal, because my situation is about a good friend, who I still go to school, and who I see everyday, but has become something of a pariah in my class, and who makes a lot of trouble. Despite the trouble she has cause for me and many of my friends, however, she was one of the only people I could actually talk to about what is going on with me, and who in turn could talk to me about what is going on with her, hence the line from the song. I miss her and as I miss her, she continues to make things difficult.

However, there is another, much happier reason that this song describes my life. I saw Girlyman. In concert. Twice. In one week! It was AWESOME! I have a MASSIVE crush on both Ty and Doris! They are just sooooooo cute! And funny, and their music is so good, and the band t-shirts are so comfortable... basically I love everything about them. At the first show, I bought their new live CD, which has so many great things on it, especially the new songs storms were mine, somewhere different now (the title track!), and everything's easy!

Other news: I graduate from the school that I have been at for NINE FUCKING YEARS on June fourth... way to long. I have to say, that I love it for many years, but now many of my closest friends there have left, they have a new administration that I don't like, and it's just feeling to small. This fall I will be entering the public high school, where I have a lot of friends and know a lot of people, and I'm really excited to go somewhere where I can just do my work and hang out with my friends. I won't need to be involved with school politics and I won't know everyone in the building, so I can retain a certain level of anonymity. Hopefully, it'll be great!

Also, I've started seeing a therapist. I don't want everyone to think I'm one of those spoiled kids who has a therapist because they think it's cool, or that they have HUGE problems when they don't. I have a hard time showing my real emotions, and I've trained all the people around me to see me as I want them to, and I have a hard time talking to people who are involved in my life, so she's really just someone who can listen with an unbiased ear.

I've been putting off writing a journal entry for a few weeks, because I never know what to put in it, but today I decided it was time, and when I sat down to write it, I was surprised how much just kinda came out, I never really understood before how people can write super long entries, but it makes sense now.

It may not entirely sound like it, but things have been pretty hard lately, and I've been feeling bummed out a lot, and pretty sad, so I just need to vent for a little bit... there is no need to read any further...

So, one of my good friends... we'll call him J, has been accused by my ex-friend, the one who I talked about at the beginning, we'll call her evil bitch #1 (nothing nicer seems to fit) of sexual harassment. Not last week or month. Nope, in sixth grade! First of all, my friend J is a super nice guy who treats girls really well, and second, evil bitch #1 didn't get that name for nothing. She lies to hurt people because she has a LOT of problems and it makes her feel better about herself. Anyway, this comes back to why I hate the school administration. They have handled the whole incident so poorly, and it has become a serious problem of racism. Evil bitch #1 is white. J is half Indian, half latino, you get the point.

The one funny part of that incident is that evil bitch#1 claims that she and J were going out when the incident of sexual harassment occurred. It's funny because, as EVERYONE in my grade knows, J would NEVER go out with her, never has and never, especially after this, will.

Also, my friend S, who I sorta kinda have a huge crush on and have been friends with for 9 years, at least used like evil bitch#1, which I didn't mind, cause I didn't like him then, and I was friends with her. But I'm not really sure how S feels about her now, and that sucks, cause he doesn't realize what a bitch she is, since she is always so nice seeming around him. Yaarg! I feel like such a typical middle schooler... heheh, that mildly entertains me.

My cousins were here yesterday, and me and one of them took a ten mile bike ride, and then I went right off to karate. Bad idea. I can barely walk today, my legs hurt SO bad.

Anyway, it's back to school next week, but now I'm off to Vermont!