I feel like we're crumbling. Like no matter which way I step, it's in the wrong direction. I've lived without you and I'm not sure I can survive like that again. Please don't make me have to find out. I'm so confused, but mostly, I'm just hurt. I don't understand some of the things you say. They cut so deep, but are always healed with a kiss and an I love you. I've got all these pictures in my head, of who you could be, if you weren't with me. I hate to seem so weepy, but this hurts.

You know how when you're a kid, and you're getting a shot, you look in the opposit direction. This is a never ending shot. But instead of having the nice distracting nurse, you've got Bertha who uses your upper arm as a dart board. Anything to make it as painful as possible.

We've got all these dreams, and I can't help but feel like if only we could get to them now, things would be okay. I feel so off balance. There are things in my life that just aren't conducive...Something has to go...

I love you....