When the conscious thought hit to continue a forced habit of smoking cigarettes
It was because of you,
the lazy bored look in your eyes that got me hooked.
You were beautiful in a way that only the arrogant can be.

And when we chain smoked in the grass
Cancer breeding white, curly q’s
Of a kissing breath—
Well, I thought that I could maybe
Fall in love

With you.
Eskimo snuggles with a fierce blue sky
I could tell how much you loved the spring and summer
The feel of the sun between your fingers
So I kept my mouth shut
And choked my adoration for blanket winter.

I’m not naturally supportive and full of sympathy
But I can make myself out of plastic if it means
Winning your heart and hand to hold on a train platform.
Truth be told,
I sorta find your fingers perfect
Even if (especially because) they’re bitten to the quick.

But then I couldn’t stand the sight of you light up with compassion
(my heart, if it exists, would creak and moan in protest)
and your perfection made me want to smother.
The glow in your eyes that tells me,
I’m mastering the art of living—
Fuck,
It sent me over the edge and
I found myself

Voting conservative and bringing on my own demise.
Please (don’t) save me.