I do believe that I am in some kind of love with my friend and I think it needs to stop. I think it would be better for both of us because then I would stop day dreaming and he would mean to me what he truly does mean without out this fluffy layering on top of him. I obviously don't think he'd mean as much to me without the feelings I have for him.
I got together with him on Sunday and it was a disappointment. I didn't get anything I felt I needed from him, and I think I made things more confusing for him, IF he even paid half of his attention towards me. So I feel kind of lucky, if he didn't pay attention, because I kinda babbled on about some things that, when I think back, he didn't need to hear.
I believe that I have no luck with him, so I'm begining to think that it will be easier if we just, hopefully, die away from each other. I don't think that in whole t hough. It would be harsh if we just instantly grew apart from each other but I do wonder if it would be like when he moved? That being very hard to deal with at first but gotten over quicker because of the quickness. Like I said though, I still don't wholey think like that.
I don't exactly know what I think I'm just glad he said he'd call me after our last get together because I don't want to go to him this time. I came to him and what I got wasn't what I wanted. So if I wait for him to come to me I'm more likely to get something that I want. Keep in mind that I'm not talking about sex or anything drastic/far out there. Just some kind of wholesome conversation or something that can be percieved a type of closeness that good friends may have.
I don't know what I'm going to do when he's gone from my life though. He graduates from college next year for crying out loud and he's going to go away and do something else with his life. He doesn't want to stay in the town we live in. So it's a for sure thing that he's going to be going away, it's just a matter of time. One of the things that will hurt is if he doesn't give me any of his senior pictures, but even worse what if he doesn't say goodbye?
Anyways, I gotta go. Talk later.