Dear Diary: Gimme some advice
I want to tell my aunt about me - that I'm attracted to women.
I want to tell people at work. Especially G. She's the one I went to the bar with a couple weeks ago. She seems to really want to be my friend. Ditto for me, and we're getting closer. I hate feeling like I'm hiding something from her.
I want to tell M - my Muslim refugee English study buddy.
You know...my whole experience with Z(is that what I'm calling her?) was just...wow! Good wow, bad wow, just wow!
And I can't just not talk about it , about me, with so many people. I 'm not saying I want lengthy discussions. I just want to talk the way straight girls talk about their ex- boyfriends - you know, say casual remarks like:
"Ya, my ex, she was really into philosophy."
or
"I miss her, but you know, gotta move on!"
or
"God, she could be a bitch. Fuck her!"
or
"Yah, I really liked her.
No major therapy sessions. Just passing remarks.
And I want to be able to talk about girls with straight boys. You know, discuss their bitchyness, mysteriousness, how to impress them, their sexiness.
I'm sooooo bursting; and I don't think I can handle it anymore. I have nothing to be ashamed of, but by muting myself I feel like I do, and that I'm a weird freak.
You know, it's like if it cannot be spoken of, there must be something wrong with it.
But oh god, I'm terrified of telling people, much as I want to.
I don't want people's perceptions of me to be limited based on their narrow-minded views on sexuality.
And I don't want to be defined by it.
I don't want to be - That Gay Girl - ya know?
And I think, worst of all, I don't want people to stop liking me and start thinking there's something wrong with me, that I'm a freak because of it.
The terror was so strong last night I burst into tears. But it was only for a couple minutes. Guess it just needed to come out.
But oh god, it's just so utterly terrifying living in a society where gayness is so very far from being totally accepted.
Alright, I guess now I'll try and sleep.
Goodnight :)
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Well...
To a large extent, you control the dialogue here.
If you tell people about you matter of factly and with joy, they are more likely to react that way to the news, as well.
If you tell them you're attracted to a girl, but sound like you're telling them you have stage 3 cancer and there isn't much hope, then that is what will come back as well.
To your specific points, no one can stop liking you once you come out, because anyone who shrinks from your life never liked you to begin with. Your life will be better off without anyone who leaves. That's the important bit. Anyone who disappears after you come out, if it even happens, is choosing to leave your life. You aren't pushing them away. Truth is never a wedge issue. If you give them your truth, and their reaction is to leave... is this someone you want around for the long haul? Good riddance, leave that spot open for someone who deserves it.
The other issue is that sexuality may not be accepted in our society, but you'll be. That's one of the stupid tricks that happens. People may be against gay marriage, or anti-gay as far as their politics, but when you come out to them, they will still accept you. Most people's prejudice is theoretical. Once they know someone in their actual life, things change. I'm not saying they'll come around immediately, but their support of you will exist complete and outside of their crumbling facade of sexuality. The biggest hurdle, if any exist, is usually with religious people. The books talk about tolerance, but that seems to be lacking in a lot of people who supposedly follow these books.
But, again, if you make your coming out needing the approval of people in your life, you give them power to hurt you. If you give them joy and confidence, they accept you on your terms.
---
"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.
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thanks a bunch
for all the good advice!
I second Jeff's point.
And I would also like to say that when I first came out to certain people, I was scared out of my mind. I thought that Gwen would hate me, cause she was the one I liked. I thought Haddie would ditch me, cause she was my best friend and I spent a lot of time around her and what if I came onto her. I thought my mom would kick me out cause she didn't want me to be gay. I thought my stepdad would butcher me...the list goes on. Point is, it never happened. It was all just me, trying to think up the worst case scenario, so I would hope for the best and prepare for the worst, and not be disappointed. It wasted a lot of energy. It made me feel horrible. It wasn't worth it.
I'm not saying that EVERYTHING came up roses, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. So don't stress on it. If you feel ready, go for it. But you should be the one to make the choice. Either way Oasis will be here rooting for you!!!
You can do it!! We believe in you!!!! Woo Wooo Woooooo!!!! Go Pomegranate!!!!!! -groovydance-
lol!
i like the groovydance! and yeah, i actually know what you mean about being pleasantly surprised. I came out to my mom and best frieds last year, and like you was scared shitless, but thankfully only mostly good came out of it. It's just now I'm in my first year university, meeting a whole bunch of new people, and it's just so daunting to add 'i'm gay, btw' to all the rest of the boringly normal get-to-know-you pleasantries. but thanks for your comment, keep on rooting for me, and most importantly, keep on doing your -GROOVYDANCE- haha! :-)