My BIG problem
Okay so I have been awake on and off since 4 a.m. and i finally got up and decided that I probably need to write this here one to get it out of my system and two to see what your insight may be. (in other words please comment)
I was awake because when C. came to visit me a few weeks ago (she is my personal care attendant and has taken time off due to school commitments) When she walked in (it had been about 3 months since I have seen her) I saw her in a new light and I didn't understand the feelings.
I woke up tears streaming down my face and relizing with a fleeting heart that I have a crush on C. C. has been through it all with me, my questioning, breakup, and now this drifting phase I am orbitting around life waiting for my life to start instead of taking the steps to start my life. I can't tell C. for fear she will quit working for me.
I believe C. could be gay, she's lived with A. (a. is female and C.'s best friend) and A.'s family for as long as i have known her. and, never been on a date since i have known her (3 years) sooooo I am like hmm I dont understand...she says shes straight but just doesnt have time there is some truth to that C. is a second year nursing student and the catcher for the Canadian national womens baseball team.
shes gorgious though and I am feelin' really alone these days.
what do you recommend i do I dont think i can keep this from c but i am also quite embaressed by it. I mean C and I are friends but she is also somewhat professional so like it may make things awkward between us and then the added fact that my mother adores C she loves to cook for us when C is working because C will eat anything and everything gawd how the hell does she look that good?
shes 26 close to 6" and blonde and really fits in to my family and we are very similar personalities i think she may be my only way to get to pride Toronto this year I really want to go but I will need an attendant to accompany me- she would make one hell of a partner but I can't go there given the nature of our current relationship or can I?
any thoughts
PLEASE COMMENT
<3
ps sorry for how long this entry ended up being!
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Comments
Hmm...
Isn't it common for things like this, though? People to fall in love with nurses, caregivers, therapists, etc.
So, I don't think it is unique in that sense. Usually, it is just a matter of addressing it from the perspective of you knowing it is unlikely to go anywhere. I mean, if you fall for your therapist, on some level, you need to tell them because your therapy suffers.
I think the same thing applies across most lines, whenever you hide your feelings from someone, or even stay closeted, your relationship with them suffers because you are not bringing authenticity to the picture.
So, I think you can tell her you have a crush on her, if it's coming from a place of just putting it out there so you can work through it. But just realize there is a good chance it is only being revealed to be worked through, and not realized/reciprocated.
Maybe C never dates, because A is her girlfriend. No need for take out when you can eat in.
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WELL Jeff
I have been down this road before in fact C is not the first attendant I have fallen for just the first to have not brought her boyfriend/girlfriend around... my attendants are wonderfully accepting people. if they weren't meaning homophobic, racist etc (im cocasian but I dont talerate any but acceptance) they would last but one shift I guess i am just lke is there a point in telling her and how