found out, the boy i am majorly crushing on currently is not a virgin.
coolness. whatevs, man. it 's just, it generally makes me a little more nervous around him now, what with all the cuddling that has happened thus far, and not AT ALL knowing what to do, exactly, with dicks and the like.
not to say that anything more has happened.
but it 's pretty obvious, raigh?
that he is at least somewhat interested?
he and i are shipping off to the movies sometime this coming weekend.
sweeeeet.

ON THE OTHER HAND.
this is really bad, but i am
considering, once again,
that other boy.
you know, the one that i rejected at least a hundred thousand times
and then said,
"wait! no! maybe..yes?no. no? wait, what?"
he is really fucking attractive.
in a weird awful way.
but i know for a fact (though he may be a bit wary)
that he would jump
at the chance to hook up.
and i am starting to become sorely tempted!

it would be something,
nice and hot and sexy. yuumm.
but then again,
how shallow is that?
uggh.

ew.
this is all so disgusting.
not in a forceful way. i think.

OTHERWISE.
i have been studying buckets more, which is good!
tests, not so bad.
we shall see after tomorrow, though,
world history tests are always my downfall.

p.s.
i just want to make him hard and wanting and i want him to want me,
to give him a kiss and promise something more,
leave him longing between classes,
thinking of me when he touches himself.
sigh.
i am a horrid person.