I just burst into tears for what I this is no reason at all. I'm so confused. I'm very melancholy at the moment, somewhere between thinking that all the people who have "problems" should just swallow their pride and get some help and not use it as an excuse to be assholes to to make everyone around them miserable (which is incredibly unfair, I know, but I'm not at my most rational right now), and sort of... I don't know... wishing I had problems, or something to give me priority, because I hate being second, I hate being a spare. Yeah. Also, being second best as the friend that helps people... I hate it. When someone has a really great friend who's, like, holding their life together, and whom they tell everything to, and I just can't compete... sucks.

And speaking of spare, I'm wondering if my 8th grade crush-type-girl is using me as a spare flirting target, to get her flirting fix when older-guy-flirt-target isn't around (and he's flirting with her as stand-in for his girlfriend). That's a very sore spot for me, because that's what ex-best friend psychobitch did to me for a year--kept me as her spare. I don't think 8th grader would do that, I think she's a genuinely good person who wouldn't hurt me like that... but the thing is, I'm never sure anymore. Because all the people who have betrayed me, I trusted them totally and completely until I... didn't. It's weird. I'm paranoid. People change, and it's scary and confusing. And lately I've also been doing the "am I getting on my friends' nerves?" thing. Fucking annoying. ARGH. Things are confusing. I need to get the fuck over her.