In regards to Parents
So for those of you who aren't out to your parents yet (like me)
How do you deal with dreaded question: So any boyfriends (girlfriends) yet??
Sure the obvious answer is to come out but for various reasons ie. don't want to deal with the drama it will cause, want the parents to pay for my college
i can't so that
Now i don't want to make up an imaginary boyfriend, but after err four years of saying the same no, suspicion will arise....
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- poetic_star
I always just changed the
I always just changed the names and pronouns and talked about my actual girlfriends at the time before I was out to my parents.
yeah but then don't they
yeah but then don't they ever want to meet them?
eh, not particularly. and
eh, not particularly. and anytime it would of been convenient for them to meet casually then i always made sure to say that they were (conveniently) coincidentally unavailable. "oh, no, jeff already left early for the weekend/xmas break/whatever so he could get home and see his family. sorry, maybe some other time."
then again my parents arent like wildly clamoring to be involved in my personal life. theyre more of the "i-dont-actually-care-where-is-your-report-card" variety
before i came out
before i came out to my parents they never asked. I also avoided them like the plague, and still do lol. Its easier for them and me if there not part of my life right now. Cause otherwise I'm going to get lectures about STD's and stuff they think they have more experience and knowledge with and so can order me around. I think you should make up someone, or change the name of whomever your dating but don't change the personality. This way they kinda still will get to know the person.
**Far from a saint, not quite a sinner**
Change the Name
I'm out to my parents, but most of my friends don'y identify as straight. when i talk about them so people who don't know, or who shouldn't, i.e. my 7 and 5 year old neighbors, I just change the names so they know the people, but not the true situation.
Isn't that right, andrew. Or should I say, andrea?
~MLE~
I always say I am too damn
I always say I am too damn busy. What is true, except for the fact that I could, actually, make the time to have a boyfriend. But they just keep asking, and I just keep on being busy (filling myself with extracurriculars enough to not have a minute).
" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens
Meh, mine never really
Meh, mine never really asked... 'cept my mom talked to me about cute boys when I was still closeted enough to agree with her and try to make myself like them. After I came out, she just kind of stopped........
Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader
my mom asked, I said
my mom asked, I said no...she then proceeded to asking me "are you gay?"
talk about random and freaking out!
oh geez...
oh geez... what did you say?
Avoiding the weirdness
My mom never really believed me when I came out to her, she would constantly try to set me up with girls from my sister's dance school. However now that I actually do have a boyfriend I think the situation finally dawned on her that this isn't going away so now I'm bombarded with mini lectures about STDs...yeah
My advice is to do what I do to people at my work (none of whom I care to come out to) just replace the name of whoever you're dating or interested in with a hetero compliant name.
Ex: When I mention someone I'm interested in at work (Rarely happens) I just swap his name for "Jess" or "Beth" . All the details stay the same for the most part but this keeps my coworkers none the wiser and keeps me from any potentially ackward situations
-----------------------------------
Despite all the things you may have learned, if you play with fire then you're bound to get burned
omg lol
i would get mini lectures to! except my parents don't believe and or realize that i have a boyfriend. other wise i would get like a million things printed off the interenet about them. my mom did that when my sister mentioned wanting to get tatoos when we turn 18, so now i dont mention tattoos at all, or the fact that i want to get one. if she knew i have a boyfriend, she would slaughter a whole forest. but they never asked me about it< and i'm not volunteering to step on the choping block and tell them i'm dateing. even though i go over to his house atleast once a week lol
**Far from a saint, not quite a sinner**
Being busy seems to be a
Being busy seems to be a good cover.When the subject of haveing a boyfriend comes up I usually use the fact that I do so much other stuff like college,work,play music etc that I don't really have time.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt
well....
I never really get that question from my parents, I'm pretty sure my mom thinks I'm gay anyway, and my dad and I don't really have conversations about that sort of thing, but i do get that from aunts, cousins, grandparents, weird old men etc. The answer is easy, like this:
Person: "So any boyfriend/girlfriend yet?"
You: "No. I'm.... socially incompetent." Then you start crying and whisper "I'm so sorry"
Or you know, you could just say no. I don't know why thats suspicious, you could just have a really bad social life. Or bad social skills. Or be anti-social. Social. Hehehe thats a fun word.
Sorry, that didn't really help did it?
I didn't get asked that much
I didn't get asked that much before I came out, and they weren't surprised I'd never been on a date because I was only in middle school. Plus I'm not exactly what you'd call pretty, so that was a useful, tacit excuse. Now that I'm out, nobody really asks anymore. Not that my answer would change, LOL.
If you have a secret lover, I agree with the people above: change name and pronouns, but nothing else. That way everybody's happy.
get a male friend
i fielded this question for five years by "dating" brad my buddy obviously never let him make a move *gross* (sorry I am a lesbian) but it worked! :) I came out to family 2 summers ago all is good but if you arent ready you will find a way to hide
for me, non-issue...
My mom has interesting ideas. I would not have been old enough to date my first two years of high school. (I know because she thought my friends were too young.) I guess I'm old enough now, but the subject never comes up. I get the impression that she'd rather have me wait until college, actually. Even if she asked me about possible relationships, I am in fact single, so just saying "no, I'm not dating" would probably suffice...
We faked it.
alot of people were getting suspicious of us last year so my friend (lesbian) and I started "dating".
Not out either... and my
Not out either... and my reasoning is the same as yours: don't want drama, and I like my mom paying for college.
Every now and then I get this feeling of desperation and want to call her right away to tell her, but then I just start thinking about "what ifs."
Luckily my mom never asks me about boyfriends and if she did I would ask her if she had one (she's been divorced for about 11 years now w.o a single one).
However, my aunts and uncles do sometimes - so I give them the answer of no not yet with a small smile... That usually leaves things up to them. They can decide if there's a man in my life or not. Meh.
I know there's "black sheep," but what about rainbow ones?
My Parents...
I'm bi, but I'm 17 and have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, so...
When my dad asks he's relieved when I say no, I don't have a boyfriend because his little girl should stay pure, or whatever overprotective dad thing...
My mom doesn't ask cause she knows I don't cause, she knows if I had a bf I would tell her. So she just thinks I'm a wierd anti-social person, which is partly true.
--
Love Happens
Best bet...
Respond honestly, but not directly.
So, don't say yes or no to them, which would confirm you response also refers to the relationship gender in their question.
Then just a ...
"I'm currently not dating anyone."
or
"I am dating, but nothing serious yet."
Both genderless responses. Also sort of bland, to stifle follow-up.
---
"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.
Add me on MySpace!
I always was honest about
I always was honest about it. no boyfriend for me yet. but then again I was hugely unpopular. that sorta helped alot.
'Oh Brave New World!'
- Brave New World
I think...
acctually
accually i just keep guys around to keep my parents from finding out that i would be happier with a girl instead. i am bi just so yall dont think im using guys so my parents dont find out. i do like them even though i like my ex gf better :)
I am Bi so it was easy for
I am Bi so it was easy for me. besides, I didn't really so much come out to my mom as slip my like for guys into our normal life. ie. I just brought a boy over and while he was there he kissed me and later he went home nobody said anything and life continued as normal. kinda thing has happened several times and nobody in my house cares =P
Only person who ever asked me who I couldn't tell was my Grandma... she's 85 and I'd rather not give her a heart attack. but doesn't matter right now because I have a comitted relationship with a girl right now. (we both watch yaoi anime together... lol)
Common Sense is what tells us the World is Flat.
Eagles May Soar but Weasels Don't get sucked into Jet Engines.
God Doesn't kill People. People who Believe in God kill People.
What about turning the
What about turning the question around a bit. Let's get creative here...
How about if the parents ask if you have a bf/gf, just say no, not right now. I'm not a big one for lying because then you have to continue on and on, and that takes a lot of energy emotionally. But then ask them about their first crush or bf/gf. Ask them how old they were when they started dating. Ask them if they remember talking to their parents about it. Ask them to try to remember what it was like when they were a younger person and dating or thinking about dating. You can redirect their thoughts, maybe learn something really new and interesting about them as people, and possibly open up some other doors of communication. Besides, most parents will be BLOWN AWAY if you show the slightest interest in them.
Make it fun. It doesn't need to be totally stressful if you are not ready to come out.
I've also heard plenty of youth worry for a while about coming out to their parents, and then when they finally did, it was not nearly as bad as they had imagined. Yeah, you might do the "they know, but we don't talk about it at all" thing, but at least you wouldn't have to consciously hide either.
On the other hand, if you are fairly certain your parents might be physically abusive or cut you off financially, then yea, it is probably better to hold off until you are independent of them.
But I do encourage folks to be as honest as possible. It really sucks to lie - for you, not so much for the parents at all. What a drag (no pun intended :)) to have to keep that part of yourself a secret, huh? I'm sorry so many of you do. It's a whole new world when you come out. But you have to be comfortable with yourself first.
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