I havent written on here in awhile because, well, you know how people on here are all the time saying that they really hoped that noone in "real life" would find their journal on here? well, my crush/friend saw the site when I was on the computer a few weeks ago. after the initial panic (when I went through and erased my most recent entries) I decided just to lay low for a few weeks-- even if she was initially curious its very unlikely that she would be on here now, right? at least thats what im counting on.
in the meantime: (copy/pasted from lj, so there will be addional parentheseed (sp?) material throughout)

- i was reunited with my cameras yesterday
- brought the engine on the johnboat back to life.

the combination meaning that im going to try to get up at real-early-o'clock to photograph the geese on the island.

- This week I heard shots coming from the direction of the island, and found a whole bunch of beer cans and empty shotgun shells there when I went later the next day.
-Geese arent (to my knowledge) even still in season

this.means.war. dont shoot my fucking geese.

-I decided that I'm definately not going back to New College
- I really miss everyone

I just dont like the person I am/was there. Not that I'm usually a completely different person, but some undesirable trends were definately starting to take shape.

- Im always on the phone lately. (as in constantly. with l. remind me again how a drunken fling that i dont even remember committing turned into a 6 month i-dont-even-know-what-to-call-it-because-we-didnt-call-it-any-thing-its-just-that-everyone-knew-and-i-lived-in-her-room?)

I wish I hadnt assumed that certain things would be self-resolving by virtue of me leaving. 500 miles definately dont make things easier.

(i.e. everything is perfectly horrible, because at this point its like kicking a puppy. shes so stoic all the time that the full gravity of how she feels about me was not evident before I left. or maybe I just didnt see it because I didnt want to. either way, it hurts alot when she asks how I think about the possibility of their being an "us" in the future now that i know that I'm not going to New next year. mostly because ive never thought about an "us" in the future ever except in a "well, eventually its going to end, and man wont that be messy.".
I feel like because weve never communicated well that there were alot of expectations and assumptions made on both sides that have got me in a kind of trap because i really above all things dont want to hurt her, but its really too late to avoid that.)

Schim and Magda (my rats) live right next to my bed, and they seem to like it here so far, despite the loss of Rita's (roomate/ their other mother) companionship and love. Especially when they get to go outside and run around on the dock.

-My dad isnt wild about them so far.
-judging by the newly-chewed whole in his jeans, the feeling may be mutual.

I'm still convinced that they'll settle their differences over a beer any day now. (my rats are complete alcoholics. schim once fell in a gin glass in a drunken stupor. they have to be watched very very closely around alcohol.)

- im making home-brewed wine. its going to be a blackberry, peach, and honeysuckle wine.

hopefully that tastes as good in real life as it sounds on paper.

- I have an interview tommorrow at petsmart for a job where basically all i have to do is take care of the small animals and help people pick out pets.

My dad has a sinking feeling that this means I will be coming home with under-loved mice and rats on a pretty regular basis.

I have a sinking feeling that he knows me too well.