I never realised how ridiculously unreal it was the gov school (high school I went to) existed in South Carolina. Until tonight, I never fully appreciated the fact that my school included gender expression and sexual orientation in their non-discrimination policy. that we put on productions of plays like "the laramie project" and that franks always (well, up until last year, but ill get to that later)included "angels in america" in our curriculum. That we have 5 openly gay staff/faculty and that all of said faculty was always accepting and supportive. that queer art was covered in art history and sanna (english teacher) was always freaking out (in a good way!) about gay subtext in texts that even I didn't think was there. that my department head would offer to take off work and sign students out to drive them to protests against fred phelps-- who attended the fundemental Bob Jones University-- which by the way is within walking distance of gov school. I am very aware of that fact thanks to the fact that I had to go through their protests against "fags" with my homophobic father in crawling traffic every time I went home.

It turns out that legally in my state, schools can't "indicate that they find homosexual behaviour acceptable"( see star at bottom for explaination as to why all of this doesnt apply to gov school). turns out that in 8th grade if I would have ever gotten up the guts to go to the principle about the sex ed teachers homophobic presentation of "the facts" that bothered me, I probably would have been the one who is out of line. Far from encouraging a safe workplace, the senator for my area has been pushing and pushing for a federal bill banning teachers from being able to be open about their sexuality. No wonder the dean tried to keep everything VERY hush-hush when finally a student-- with parents, became outraged and started to raise hell about "angels in america" being featured in english. Oh, yeah, and did I mention-- just to put the icing on the cake there-- that that student is a little homo herself who hit on me. (lets just say that wasnt well recieved)

Oh, and we just got a new chairman for the state board of education, who:
a) lists pushing intellegent design as one of her biggest goals in south carolina schools
b) has never had experience in the education system.
c) is a religious fundementalist who pulled her kids out of school so she could "protect" them from the obviously liberal-ridden south carolina school system
d) oh, and I went to her website and she was pushing this book called “Domestic Tranquility: A Brief Against Feminism,” saying that:

“Mrs. Graglia (author) utilizes her professional background in law to make an incredibly well documented (the end notes are incredible!) and exhaustive case against feminism. She accurately and persuasively connects the ‘victories’ of feminism with their destructive results in woman’s lives and in our society. This book is an incredible resource for women to help them cogently argue against a wrold view which has consistently removed protection and provision from them and their children.”

and it looks like shes here to stay. everyone in the state fucking loves her.

way to go, sc.
oh, and did I mention that by law teachers have to be supplied with these pamphlets whose entire purpose is to argue that anything that goes against the traditional family is the cause of anything going downhill in sc or the us? I really dont get why good ol' fred left us for kansas in the first place. he should run for fucking governor.

The reason that this is particularly relevant and upseting to me is that I know some of the exceptionally closeted gay teachers who arent lucky enough to be at gov school, who not only dont talk about their personal lives to many people, but live in seperate houses like its the fucking fifties. I'm close to these people, and as ive gotten older and begun thinking about my career choice, that i want to be a teacher because of those people. because middle aged women with kids and a mortgage shouldnt have to risk their jobs for some goddamn respect. Ive seen the way that glbt youth are treated in sc public schools, and it disguists me : i wanted to be a person who had nothing to lose and could stand up for all of them. I dont want to start a family, i want to live cheap, and as unafraid by financial or career-related knives hung by strings over my head. I wanted to change things and influence people, help people. sc has less than a 50% graduation rate, and when the school districts are drawn up race and economic status definately coorespond pretty suspiciously. I wanted to teach and to possibly open up my home as a small glbt safe house. so many of the openly gay teens in the south arent accepted and remain closeted because resources for that sort of thing dont exist in gilbert, sc amongst the chicken farms. theyre in new york and san fran. places like that.

when asked about the need for anti-bullying programs that actually acknowledged homophobic bullying, once state senator replied that we dont have a problem with that in south carolina. and im quite certain that he wasnt referring to the open and caring environment in the schools.

i feel like the only way someone is going to be able to catalyze internal change in this sytem is if they are straight and slightly middle of the road at. or else they really honestly arent going to be able to be around long enough to be able to do anything.

and i definately dont fit into that category.
I dont know what Im going to do.

I believe firmly that if things are going badly for the community youre from, its your duty to stay and fight for what is right. if everyone who can catalyze the change leaves, what is that going to mean for the ones left behind? and in addition to the connection that i feel with the gay community of the carolinas, southern community will always be a part of me too. I was raised on farms and swamps, with family barbeques in the barn and civil war memoirbellia passed down from generation to generation. my family arived in sc in the late 1600's and never left-- ive only been out of the south once, for a fifth grade fieldtrip to washington. even though I am considered to be a rather "alternative" type of person, at the heart of it being southern is still always going to be a big part of who I am. So yeah, I do want to help overseas, to travel, but here is where I want to CHANGE things.

im just beginning to feel like thats not possible.

*gov school is different from any other public school in the state because of the admin. and because of the nature of the school. basically two really important state senators bugged the state gov so much about their "neglect of the gifted and talented" students of south carolina that a few rich friends later she was given permission to set up a school that didnt have to abide by state education laws or budget where we could live all together at the top of a hill by a waterfall and paint all day for free.