I have to say I hate my physical appearance as much as I did in 7th grade. Honestly, I've had three 18+ year olds say "awww you're really cute"

and i think they must be deluded. i honestly have no idea what anyone sees in me. i know i still look kinda awkward because i guess i'm not done growing but it's driving me crazy. i'm trying working out and i fence, and i feel great when i'm fencing. i'm trying to bulk up but i don't know how much it's helping. I feel like i'm doomed to always be awkward looking, like a fucking giraffe. ugh.

do i sound superficial? because i really mean all this from the bottom of my heart.

i purposefully avoid all situations where i might have to be wearing a swimsuit or anything, it's messed up. i don't know if i have a problem but i just can't stand myself. i really can't.

i feel like crap. care to help me figure out what's wrong?

oh, on a lighter note:
i actually talked to some of the same art class kids from last week's installment, and one girl lives right smack in my neighborhood! she's nice from what i know of her. i'm working on my fashion drawing, and i'm doing really well! i bought an issue of Out, and an issue of Paper. Whatshisname from gossip girl who plays Chuck? He's gorgeous. Holy shit.