I am so sad...
I haven't posted on here in just about forever. My life has been spazzing out and somehow I've never found the time. There's so much that's happened. Notably:
-A queergender person that I like... quite possibly can't stand my company.
-I like an eighth grader (two years younger) who I believe is flirting with me. I flirt with her reflexively. I can't figure out if I want a relationship or not, esp. with her.
-A previously good friend has been drifting away. She's hooking up with random guys (and she's bi, apparently. Wtf? Her and another friend started making out in a friend's closet at a sleepover... WTF?). As if it's not bad enough that she's a slut, SHE'S DOING IT IN THE TECH BOOTH! MY TECH BOOTH!!!! Damnit, no one outside of tech is allowed in the fucking booth!!! -.-
-I'm teching. A lot. Which is why I haven't been posting.
-Remember best friend who fucked with me for a year? I've finally given up on her. I think. And I'm in the process of getting over her. Which will take... a while. More on this later. Much, much more. Because I'm experiencing symptoms of a break-up and I'll need major hugs over the next few months, because now that I've made up my mind to have nothing to do with the bitch, she's in my class... damn it.
Yeah. That's the abridged version. I'll be posting some more writing on here, I think. I'd like feedback on stuff (any writers on here feel like swapping work, shoot me an e-mail).
I have to be at school at 7 tomorrow. To rehearse for jazz choir with the most boring, un-jazziest music teacher in the world. Jazz choir performs 2nd pd. Then I have a concert choir rehearsal through my lunch and a performance 6th. Lots of singing. Which is... a good thing. It'll happy me up. (Unless it makes me cry because the concert choir basses SUCK SO MUCH ARGH!!! They drag us down. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. Which is bad, because the tenor part is already at the very bottom of my range, because most tenor parts are not written for women... fucking basses. Fucking half-steps. Fucking actual tenor parts... Why can't every song just be written for Alto II???)
But I'm exhausted and inexplicably depressed (again, break-up symptoms? Damn her.) So, to stay awake, I'm...
Listening to the Pokemon themes really really loudly on loop.
Someone shoot me now.
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Comments
Let's see...
I think that only you can spazz out; your life just sort of chugs along no matter how you choose to react.
I'm flirting with a girl I'm not sure I like... yet, remember that girl that fucked *me* over for a year? So, it's seemingly all about which position you're in?
It seems impossible to actually like someone who hates being in your company, as you can only decide whether you like someone by spending time with them. So, a case of reality interfering with your lust, fantasies, and mental projections? Or is there more backstory here?
The definition of slut: anyone having more sex than you.
---
"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.
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Jeff, these journals are for
Jeff, these journals are for ranting and for getting stuff out into the open. It's not necessarily in its most polished or PC form. I'd appreciate it if you didn't give me such a thorough breakdown of why everything I'm doing in/saying about my life is wrong. There's a difference between that and giving honest advice. But come on, you even criticized my use of the verb "spaz."
For the record, I do like the 8th grader. I'm not flirting with her intentionally, it's unconscious, and I'm trying to stop. Also, I just met her, and I'm single. The girl-who-fucked-with-me was my best friend, involved with a guy, and deliberately flirting with me, and admitted to deliberately keeping me as her spare. But thanks for that brilliant observation: the reason I put this thing in my journal is that this is my problem. I'm afraid of becoming that friend of mine, even though the flirting is, at this point, unconscious. And queergender girl, we are in each other's company a fair bit because we've got mutual friends. And besides that, it is possible to really dislike someone and still find yourself spending large amounts of time with them. As I unfortunately know too well.
For Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader
Uncertain's advice of an uncertain nature...
"Remember the best friend who fucked with me for a year?" lol.. for some reason I took it in the literal sense the first time I read it..
Sounds like a lot of stress! But I'm really not the best man at giving advice... that's Jeff's job.
Oh, but try not to analyse things too much. I've learnt that sometimes it gets nowhere and you just end up where you started and blame everything on yourself. Not cool.
Now go devour a cookie or something...
*e-hugs*
Ya!