i saw her this morning. we both had to volunteer at school. we had to be in separate rooms while we were filing/counting ballots for this debate meet thing. we were bored out of our minds. so we sent each other ridiculous (and typically dirty) text messages to keep ourselves occupied and amused.

our friend is supposed to be throwing a mini birthday party for herself tonight, but it doesn't look like it's going to happen any more. so i asked *her*(the girl whose name i fail to mention because i'm terrified of someone reading this...how ridiculous...haha) "so if the party doesn't happen...do you just want to hang out together tonight?" and she said "yeah, maybe we can have a sleepover."

we interrupt this program for a brief moment of freaking out.

um, what? excuse me? did you say sleepover?

it's not like i never spent the night at her house before. it's just that there were always other people there. this time its her and me and i don't know if i can physicallyemotionallypsychologically handle that.

she keeps sending me mixed signals. last week i was teasing her about something (i don't remember what the hell we were talking about) and she said "it's not like a want to make out with girls. at least not when i'm sober." (she was referring to an episode that occured last december when she had a bit of alcohol and spent the next three hours trying to get me to make out with her...i resisted because a) i would never take advantage of anyone b) she could end up hating me and c) i'm friends with her boyfriend. but now i begin to wonder if she was really that drunk after all).

she's definitely not one of those straight girls who enjoys drunkenly sucking the faces off of other girls for the pleasure of observing guys. (when she wanted to make out with lovely little me, we were in a room with five of our female friends).

maybe she's just curious and wants to try something different. maybe she wants to take advantage of me. the awful thing is, i really don't care as long as i get to kiss her. just once. maybe twice.

one thing i know for sure: the line between friendship and relationship is beginning to blur. we're just as close as any couple...we just don't kiss, make out, or touch each other in "inappropriate" places. i probably know more about her than her boyfriend does.

so tonight. possible sleepover. maybe we'll just talk and i'll eventually spill about my secret obsessive crush. maybe not.

ahhh, don't you love the smell of sexual tension in the air?