Point of no return

9 November, 2007 - 2:21am — I bleed audio

For the first time in my life I'm legitimately afraid of something. Coming out, right now, seems like this lofty ambition I hope to achieve. The thing is I'm so unsure of myself it's gut wrenching. I've never had a relationship that ever turned sexual (Past 2nd base) and now it just seems like a huge leap to just say I'm gay. I have nothing really to compare this to. I'm trying to discern whether these feelings are legitimate or just a passing fetish. I mean is there some tell tale sign these feelings are real? The problem I'm having is that the only thing I can compare this to is the stereotypes I see everywhere and I don't fit them at all. I've had a friend come out to me a couple years back and I'm thinking of talking to him to help put things in perspective. The issue I have with this is that I work for his mom, she's the head of the after school program I work for. If I tell him about this I'm worried he might slip up and something to her affecting the professional relationship I have with her. This is just something I'm going to have to risk to get the answers I need. I'm thinking maybe he could help me out also with the fact that he started the GSA around where I live and maybe he could introduce me to some people.

Another reason I'm so scared of coming out is how permenent it is. It's the point of no return and once I do it I can never go back to who I am today. Even if it turns out I am straight and this was a passing thing, I'm still stuck with the stigma of being gay. I mean I'm already kind of isolated but I'm afraid of severing my remaining ties.

I think what I'm going to do is talk to my friend and explore these feelings secretly until I'm more sure of myself. Can anyone relate to this, or was it a more definate thing?

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Comments

9 November, 2007 - 3:48am — 5thstory

I am totally not good for

I am totally not good for this, but some years ago, before I actually came to accept myself as gay and stop scalding myself about it, I actually thought it would pass, and I wasn't sure about it. But well, don't hurry anything, just go with whatever makes you fill good. Bon chance!

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

9 November, 2007 - 5:01am — whateversexual_llama

Ok, well, the thing about

Ok, well, the thing about coming out as gay and then being stuck with it, that does suck. It's a problem for all of us, but it's not OUR problem. It's society's problem.

But always remember, you don't have to be a label. Gay or straight or bi or anything. You're you. And whoever you love, it's part of YOU. No matter how you're labeled by yourself OR the people around you, remember that sexuality isn't rock solid. Just like personality, it can change.

But dealing with society's obsessions with labels is also important. The best thing, I think, is to come out to the people you feel need to know as questioning. Not straight, but maybe you love people of the same gender. It's also not the same for everyone, so I can't tell you the "Best" thing. But you could try for questioning, or queer.

Rock-solid labels are terrrifying. I'm totally out as completely lez, but sometimes I worry, what if I fall for a guy? The requirement to be your label, the whole label, and nothing but the label is daunting. But remind yourself... hey, it's okay to be whatever I am. Depends on the day of the week. Just go with it. Don't resist, no matter who you want to love.

Be yourself. 'Cause if you're busy being somebody else, who's gonna be you?

9 November, 2007 - 5:27am — jeff

Tell-tale sign?

That's easy. Straight people don't tend to wonder if they're straight.

Also, you're just confused and uncertain today, so if you come out and for some odd reason you're wrong (unlikely), you'd already be better off than when you started, because you'd be LESS confused and uncertain, since you would know you weren't gay (albeit probably bi, see first point).

So, come out as bi, or "not straight," or don't pick any label. Just start dating guys, until you see a girl that makes you wonder.

Also, if the truth negatively affects your life, it will only lead to positive things in the long run. You don't want to keep friends who are only hanging out with you as long as you're straight, or have jobs where you are a great employee until they find out you like guys, etc.

I would recommend you talk to someone straight who went through a gay phase... of course, I've never met anyone like that. If you're messing around with guys, your future is pretty much going to be bi or gay. That's enough confusion, no need to add straight to the mix.

And, you're not in California, so I can't help you get to third base. (He's legal, I checked...) :-)

---

"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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9 November, 2007 - 7:07am — I bleed audio

Thanks

Thanks i think that helped put things in perspective. I'm reading a book right now called "The new gay teenager" and it basically is saying the same thing. I appreciate the help.

23 November, 2007 - 5:02am — Anonymous Person (not verified)

"That's easy. Straight

"That's easy. Straight people don't tend to wonder if they're straight."

Thank you so much. That really helped.