For the first time in my life I'm legitimately afraid of something. Coming out, right now, seems like this lofty ambition I hope to achieve. The thing is I'm so unsure of myself it's gut wrenching. I've never had a relationship that ever turned sexual (Past 2nd base) and now it just seems like a huge leap to just say I'm gay. I have nothing really to compare this to. I'm trying to discern whether these feelings are legitimate or just a passing fetish. I mean is there some tell tale sign these feelings are real? The problem I'm having is that the only thing I can compare this to is the stereotypes I see everywhere and I don't fit them at all. I've had a friend come out to me a couple years back and I'm thinking of talking to him to help put things in perspective. The issue I have with this is that I work for his mom, she's the head of the after school program I work for. If I tell him about this I'm worried he might slip up and something to her affecting the professional relationship I have with her. This is just something I'm going to have to risk to get the answers I need. I'm thinking maybe he could help me out also with the fact that he started the GSA around where I live and maybe he could introduce me to some people.
Another reason I'm so scared of coming out is how permenent it is. It's the point of no return and once I do it I can never go back to who I am today. Even if it turns out I am straight and this was a passing thing, I'm still stuck with the stigma of being gay. I mean I'm already kind of isolated but I'm afraid of severing my remaining ties.
I think what I'm going to do is talk to my friend and explore these feelings secretly until I'm more sure of myself. Can anyone relate to this, or was it a more definate thing?