Today couldn't have gone any worse. First off, my friend Lindsey and I hungout for the majority of the day which ended up with me dying my mohawk red. My parents didn't agree with this and it led to an argument the likes of which I hadn't seen for years. Later that night Lindsey and I went over to a friends house for a guitar hero tournament (I personally rule at GH) but my mind wasn't on the game instead was drifting to how I was going to talk to Lindsey about my new search for a boyfriend. I have been friends with her for a couple years and we even dated for awhile back in high school, not that it went anywhere. In fact she was the reason I questioned myself again and again, but in the end I figured out I wasn't really in love with her but instead envied her for being able to move on while I couldn't.
So the party ended and I drove her home. During the ride the conversation drifted from music to our friends and started to die. As the car ride neared ending I struggled to get the words out, not knowing how to phrase what needed to be said. In truth I'd run over the conversation multiple times in my head and was prepared for almost anything, except what happened. See Lindsey had had a relationship earlier this year with another girl from our highschool and had told me she was bisexual shortly after they had started dating. During this phone call I cowardly juggled my feelings and told her I thought I was also Bi but was quick to change the subject after the words left my mouth. Well tonight I expected her to be sympathetic towards my feelings, being Bi herself, and not shocked seeing as I had already "told her", neither was true.
"Hey Lindsey, there's something I need to talk to you about. You know how this year I told you I thought I was Bisexual, well I'm thinking about finally, I don't know, acting on those feelings"
"Wow, wow.....No I don't remember that"
It was downhill from there. The person I had expected to be supportive and an ally was shocked and uneasy. While the conversation ended with her wishing me luck I could tell on some level she felt betrayed. I mean she has a boyfriend so I assume she's moved on, it's been over a year. I just fear maybe I might've ruined things with my best friend. Maybe I should wait before attempting to come out to someone else.
I wish I'd never said a word.