I'm gonna cut the babble and get to the important stuff. So, he came to my room last night. We were talking and we stumbled onto the subject of the kiss the other night. He sat on the bed next to me and we were talking about things. He held me. We were talking about my reaction to the kiss. That things are so different with a guy than with a girl. And he layed on top of me. We just kept talking. He kissed me. I told him he kisses different than any girl I've kissed. He asked me how and I kissed him the way I had kissed with Emily. And he said that he's not sure if it's just a me thing or a lesbian thing, but that he has kissed differently. We started making out. Not hardcore, but a lot of kissing. I liked it. We'd hold eachother, he'd lay on me, we'd kiss. Now and then we'd say something. We kissed a lot. He said he needed to think about things, and he couldn't at the moment because he was distracted. I asked him how he was distracted, and he kissed me. He then said he was tired (it was 2 in the morning) and he kissed me one last time and left.

Today wasn't so awkward. It was okay. He talked to me and stuff. Then I needed help with my work, and I went to his room to ask him about it. I was discussing it with him and I layed on his roommate's bed (he wasn't there). He eventually followed me up. So we were on his roommate's bed, just kinda discussing the topic. And, well, he started stroking my arms and stuff. He layed next to me. We kissed. He layed on top of me. We started kissing, and it was passionate. I could feel his body trembling. I could feel him pushing himself against me. And we were just kissing a lot. He's say something that he's not sure what to do, but then he'd kiss me. He'd stroke my face. He felt my chest. Stroked my stomach. He put his hand under my shirt. He kissed my neck. He said he didn't have self-control, and that he knew this was just a physical thing. He stroked my inner thigh once, but then he stopped himself. He said he didn't feel it was right since he couldn't control himself. We layed together, kissed more, and then he just got down. He explained that it doesn't feel right because he's confused and I am. I'm not confused. But he said that he's not putting the same feelings into it that I am so he says it doesn't feel right. He says this is a physical attraction.

I don't care. This makes me sound like a horrible person, but I want to see where this goes. I've never felt this way over a guy, and now there's these urges that I have that I don't know what to do with. And I want to see how far he's willing to go. He did imply that we're done with the kissing and stuff, but he did say that the other night and things happened today. And, well, I hope this continues. I do sound like a horrible person, but this is a new experience that I'm only willing to go through with him. Because I know he won't be a jerk about it. I know he's not using me. He's just as confused as I was. I've sorted things out. It's just up to him now.