In my last entry I *glazed* over a mostly entirely random acquaintance that happened to be a male, was easy on the eyes and chatty enough. This individual also happened to give me a desire-infusing kiss on the cheek before I darted away for the night.
Well, in that same entry I speculated about why he might have done it at that instant.
My community is definitely not anti-gay, and though the school board is pro-GLBT and makes sure each classroom has a GLBT triangle mini-poster going on... a boy the same age as me kissing me like that in near practical public and with months of school to go still seemed odd!
So this afternoon I just went for a drive with a co-worker friendly and got us stumbling around the topic of the other night and who was who, since this friendly female co-worker happens to have worked there for over a year now.
To my dismay and extreme interest, I learn that my lovely boy happens to live in Toronto and used to live here but moved a year ago. My inside (ice cream with lovelyboy AHHHH my mind spins) scoop girl tells me that he is a family-friend nephew type person to the owner of the place where we work and she worked with him before and that 'weirdly, he reminds me of you!' (as in ME)!
So I don't live in Toronto, which is the gay capital of Canada... and I could argue that it's the gay capital for the planet Earth. I live 45 mins to an hour away in a comely suburb. Knowing that a lot of Toronto teens find it 'easier' to come out in such a GLBT-filled city sort of instantly explained why he might have kissed me, so score one.
Then she went on to say that he's beginning his semester in Rome for foreign-based credits. Uuuuuuuuuh WHAT?! The thing is that we have the same type of program (MEI is one of the groups that do it here) which allows students to take semesters or credits or do the summertime version in Europe or South America. Therefore it's not unlikely that hundreds of other schools in Ontario have it available too. And the boy that kissed me may have been motivated to do so because he plans to fly off for 6 months or more.
Well damn. I was a bit floored by her saying that even though I wouldn't REALLY have expected anything to develop out of what happened... but it seemed pretty likely to me? She didn't remember for sure when he was flying out and I can probably attain his number or e-mail easily now that I know WHO he is and where he goes to school... but I'm not 100% sure I want to.
If I do - will I be nearly as appealing as I happened to be in that magical moment he took and I went with a few nights ago? Does he already HAVE a boyfriend in Toronto and just did it spur of the moment? Is he even more than bicurious??
I want to call him to talk and see if anything WOULD happen, but I feel like it would hurt a lot to have him avoid meeting up. Or, if we did meet up and something happened... then he'd be gone for 6+ months!
And then there's Facebook... which he has. Hmm, for some reason if I were to ever have a significant other, I'd find it weird to be on Facebook with them just because of friendly territory or something.
I find it a minute bit funny that I was correct about the potential motivation behind the kiss. I'd like to know if I was wholely correct though, he must've liked something else about me to do that but mmm, I can't even buck up the courage to get more intimately VERBAL with my school crush - but if I were bound to leave for months in a few days, I'd do it without reserve.
Ugh and then WTF do I say if I call him up? I know I can pull it off in the right mood, but right now it's striking me as SO odd to say: Hey lovelyboy, it's me, dashingboy who you pecked on the cheek last week! So, how are you?
Ok, that would really appeal to me. But I don't know how far it would go. And, hi, I don't know about me going in to Toronto solo at ALL thanks to my mother being in denial and now back and practically forgetting I told her I was gay, and my dad just being himself. And if he came here, well everything seems ok for me going out around hereabouts but I'm fairly certain I'd be insecure about being seen in public as a gay couple.
And then there's the whole thing about me having PHYSICAL insecurities. Not just in being physical per say but with my own body yikes! I know I look good enough in my outfits and with a shirt halfway off but mmm I feel like a total twink or underdeveloped boy in some ways! And nooo, it's not about size hahahah, but I feel damned by hormones in some ways and only marginally helped by them in others. And that sincerely has nothing to do with sex, just sexual *appeal*. And I don't even know... ugh, I want to give lovely boy a kiss of my own or have dinner with him or just take it super slow but the fact that he was that impulsive and that I can be so impulsive at times makes me think it wouldn't be slow.
And that makes me laugh a bit too, since I'm WTF about this whole thing. If I somehow commandeer his contact info and basically get a hello&goodbye just before he leaves for Rome I might feel crushed a bit, but if I don't call then am I better off feeling hopeful? UGH UGH UGH.
At any rate, I'm still O-M-G I Want More.