I have been feeling weird lately.That sounds a bit vague.But I am not sure really how to describe my mood.Restless maybe.I am just bored of my life and how it is really.I think I would like to have more fun,and meet some new people.I have got into the habbit,or you could say rut of going to work,coming home and then spending hours online.If I have a day off I spend it going between playing guitar and going online.I also meet up with friends in between all that,but not as much as I would like.
I don't really enjoy hanging out with friends as much as I used to either.Again I am not sure exactly why.I think it is partly due to the fact that I just spend so much time thinking about stuff and have so much going on in my head that I don't really talk about with anyone,except on here really,that I feel distanced and isolated from them.I guess it comes back to the coming-out thing again.It is what is foremost on my mind right now.This thing that I cannot stop thinking about.Even though I have told a couple of my friends a few months ago it hasn't really helped.At first I thought they understood,I like girls,how hard is that to grasp?But now a couple of months later they are still asking me questions like "wow that guy at the party was so hot how come you weren't into him?"Maybe it is my fault,maybe I have given them mixed signals or something.I told them I like girls,but I just said I hadn't completely ruled out guys because I really didn't want to commit to a label.But I also said I really do prefere girls.
I don't know,I just feel really isolated at the moment.I need to start making some major changes in my life.I realize that.I am just not sure where I should start.Well next week I plan on sending an email to my sister to come-out to her(thanks for all the comments on my last journal about it).She is on holidays until then.I know coming-out wont instantly fix everything.But it is a step to change.
Well this post has turned out very wow is me.I hadn't really thought it through.But I needed to get it off my chest,and now I have I suppose I will go sleep.