Lying, crying, dying.
I'm so sick of pretending
that I'm alright.
I'M NOT OKAY.
anything you wanted me to be.
Not pretty or worthy or happy,
in one piece, surviving.
Not even alive.
This body sports the battle scars
of every day in your house.
I'm so fucking dead inside
I don't even know how to feel.
I thought it would be hard
to find somebody I hated
more than myself.
It was altogether too easy.
This is what you've created.
It's your own fault, yet it's always mine.
I don't know love from dysfunction.
You're the reason I pushed her away.
I need her and you've ruined me beyond repair.
I need more therapy that Bill Gates can afford.
I've got nowhere left to run. Nowhere to hide.
I can't even hide inside my own emptiness.
I've got no escape.
Pushed so far into this corner I'd kill to get out.
I've never been able
to imagine myself older.
I don't think I'll ever get there,
when I'm not sure
if I'll make it through tonight.