Another day, half a pack of cigarettes congesting my lungs. A holiday, nevertheless. Food, family, fun... Fantastic fireworks. Lots of "F"s, you know.

I worked on my book a bit earlier today and I am happy with the progress that I am making on it. I'm up to 404 double-spaced pages, 1-inch margins. Not bad, though quantity never does have anything to do with quality, as "they" so often seem to say. I started on a pretty intense chapter that goes into grand detail about the injustices that the people in my book face for speaking their minds. All quite interesting, I suggest you read it some day. I don't know if I'll ever self-publish it, but I think I'll shop it around to publishers once I finish it. Self-publishing will be a last resort as it's always quite hard to get something published after you've published it using a site like LuLu. It's all more for my enjoyment than anything. I'm creating a story that I know I'd be interested in if I wandered by it in Borders. I'd go into detail about the plot line, but I suppose a magician must never reveal his tricks until after all is said and done.

For the last few days I've been in a sort of soporific slump of sorts. I can't say why, exactly, but I feel completely unfulfilled. I want to be somehow... important. Not like a high class business man or anything, but I want to make a difference. I suppose that's why I'm writing the story. It's all sort of allegorical, but very original, if I do say so myself... and I do.

My parents had a 4th of July party at the house today which was pretty cool. The family showed up, my grandma made her awesome apple pie... The only downside is that at big family events, I always feel as though I'm an outcast. I'm considered a rebel, which is saying a lot as I'm probably one of the least rebellious people I know. I'm the only gay person in the family and though everyone alludes to it, it's never talked about directly. I once overheard my grandma describing it to my mom as my "confusing little problem". Nice. Ah well. I should probably stop ranting, but I don't feel like it.

Anyway, I guess I've been feeling kind of empty ever since I found out that the guy I liked (and I'm pretty sure liked me back) moved to Chicago. We went on two dates and they went pretty well. He had just gotten out of a relationship and apparently he up and moved to Chicago with the guy who dumped him. I feel sort of betrayed... it makes me wonder if he was just using me. He seemed distant when I told him I wasn't ready to sleep with him. Is being cautious really so bad? He's so hot though... I feel stupid even saying that after how he lied to me... Agh, but it's so true.

Well, I'm going to stop for tonight. I'm tired :P

G'night.