well, i've been awake for about twenty hours now. i figure, if i hold out for another four, then i can fall asleep and sleep for the entire night. which means that i have to stay conscious for another four hours. which seems impossible...but the last two ahve gone by pretty quickly.
for a hwile i was manic, which helped, but now i'm running mostly on caffine...which isn't all too healthy. and, as you may have noticed, my typing is going to hell in a handbasket.
four more hours...that's what? 60x4 is...crap, can't do it in my head. um...240 minutes? i think that's right. my fingers feel all chunky nad weird.

so, y'all are probably wondering why i've been awake for twenty hours...and frankly, so am i. i think i sorta dared myself to do it last night, when i realised that it was five in the morning, i'd been up since 1430, and i wasn't gonna get to sleep any time soon. so i said 'fuck it' and decided to stay awake. which was easy, when i was manic, and when i had something to do. but now the mania is wearing off, and i'm bored. if i sit down on something comfortable, i know i'll fall asleep.
i was tempted to sit in my tree for a while, but knew that i'd probably fall, and more than likely break something. and then R would come home to find me in a cast, and she'd blow a fuze. i'm trying to stay sane for her, if nothing else.

gods, i miss her. like nothing else in the world. i'd be happy just talking to her on the phone, or e-mailing with her. just to know that she's doing okay, that she's happy. i don't trust her to tell her mom everything, and i don't trust her mom to tell E everything...but i know that whatever gets filtered through to E will get to me unedited. he's cool like that.

i'm rambling, i know. but if i don't, i'll fall asleep. no, can't do that. i'm probably making no sense whatsoever, am i? i can hardly think...need more caffine.