Nervous/Excited

shadow fire's picture

Hi everyone. I've been signed up here for a little bit (but I haven't really posted)

So heres my situation.

A while ago I met my friend (on the internet) we both believed ourselves to be straight and we were instantly really good friends. I've known him for a while now (about a year?) but a bit ago I came out as bi...I slowly discovered I never had any attraction to woman and realized that I'm gay. He came out as bi a while after that. We started mildly flirting and soon we really fell in love. We've talked on the phone several times and he only lives about 3.5 hours away from me. I'm going to see him early august. I'm not allowed to talk to anyone online (at all) so I told my parents he use to live in Vernon for about a year and then moved to Vancouver. He can't use the same lie because his dad saw me online one time and even talked to me a little bit. I came out of the closet to my parents/family a little bit ago but hes still in the closet.

I'm really nervous for seeing him because I have a low self-esteem. Does anyone have any advice for what to do while I'm with him? were thinking of going to a movie and I'm planning on buying him his favorite type of flowers. I've also been stashing some mints away for when I go see him. Do you guys have any tips or anything for what I should do or what I can do to make myself look better. We've exchanged pictures and I don't think I'm good looking enough for him...hes perfect and sweet so he probably wont mind, but I just feel like its not fair that I have him and he only has me.

(or if anyone has any general comments or anything on the situation)

5thstory's picture

Listerine Strips work better

Listerine Strips work better than most mints. Well, the guy sounds amazing, go for it and very good luck!

" . . . The sun does not shine upon this fair earth to meet frowning eyes, depend upon it." Charles Dickens

shadow fire's picture

Mmmm listerine strips.

Hes amazing! I really love him. Thanks for the tip though. Where do you think I would buy Listerine? (I've seen and had it before, but I've never bought it) it would sure be easier to carry around one of those slim little packs and have a strip that melts on my mouth in like 3 seconds then carrying a pocketful of stolen mints from restaurants that take a while to finish.

bulldyke's picture

Interesting...

An interesting situation you've found yourself in. So, date tips, is it? Well, let's see here.

If he really likes you, then he won't mind if you prattle on a bit. In fact, he may do it himself. Watch for that. If he seems nervous, then it's likely that you're both in the same boat. Joke about being nervous. It's scary as hell, but just...when you feel yourself tense up, or you can't think of anything to say, just tell him. Say "I'm really nervous about this...in a good way" or something to that effect. Again, if he likes you, he's probably in the same boat. Or he's not as nervous, but he won't think less of you for 'coming out' as being nervous, as it were.
Listerine, yeah, whatever. Just brush your teeth that morning and you'll be fine. Don't forget deoderent, and make sure you check the weather report for the area before you leave. It's embarrassing to be carrying too many clothes around with you, or be shivering in too few. Although, if you get cold, perhaps that can be an excuse for 'cuddle time'.
Also, in terms of clothes, don't try to dress up. Be casual, but take a shower that morning or the night before. Don't worry if you're hair's messy, or if you've got a coula pimples. Everyone does. It makes you look more human, and it'll be easier for the two of you to hit it off if you don't try to be superhuman.
Remember, as perfect as he is, we all have flaws. Maybe he has a prettier face than you do, maybe not. With love, it doesn't really matter. Just make sure you smile, and it'll be fine.
In the movie: make sure one of you has popcorn. That's a great excuse to reach over and brush his hand. It's a great way to break the ice. Also, if you get a drink, two things. 1) Make sure it's a small. You don't want to have to go to the bathroom right in the middle. 2) Do your best to put it in the cupholder on your outside. In other words, don't put it between you two. That can get akward.
Go to the bathroom before the show starts, even if you don't think you have to. It'll give you both a chance to breathe for a bit, and you won't suddenly need to go in the middle.
If you have time afterwards, ask him to get something to eat with you. Icecream is romantic on a first date, and fast food can do in a pinch. Let him decide. Or, if he beats you to the chase and asks YOU, stay cool. If you can't think of anywhere to go, put the pressure on him. Ask him where he wants to go.
Let's see here, what else...Oh yeah. Eat sometime before the big date, even if you think you'll throw up. It helps to settle your stomach. If you get really nervous, try crackers, with a lot of something to drink. Water's fine, or fruit juice. I'd advise against anything with too much sugar or caffine; it'll just make you more jittery.
Oh, and pay attention to at least part of the movie. If it's not too much, try to get some idea of the plot, that way you two have something to talk about afterwards. But if you don't, or if you were too distracted, don't try to fudge it. Tell him, either right out or more subtly, that you were more than a bit distracted by him in the theatre. Believe me, it feels great to have someone be distracted by you.
And above all else, have a good time. It's easy to get too lost in your nervousness, but fight it. Stare into his eyes if you want. Try not to speak too fast, and try to think before you speak. Which sounds great on the computer screen, but won't be easy to do when you're with him.

Best of luck to you, and feel free to message me if you have any questions, or just want to freak out a bit. Seriously, it helps to let it all out on a comforting shoulder. If you need to, just find someone you trust a bit, and let it all out. Keeps it from getting pent up inside, and then coming out at the worst moments. :-)

peace,
Bulldyke
"Hello world. I am me."

tayz's picture

Wow. Just, Wow. That there

Wow. Just, Wow.
That there is some incredibly helpful advice I wish I had on my first date :P

Well said Bulldyke!

All I can add past that, is to just be yourself and even if it's not the perfect romantic fantastic date you both thought it'd be, always stay cheerful and keep your sense of humour =]

One of the most attractive things in a human being (according to studies and people in general :P) is a smile and a sense of humor!

So good luck and have fun! XD

bulldyke's picture

Crap, I didn't say that?

Crap, I didn't say that? I'm getting lazy...

peace,
Bulldyke
"Hello world. I am me."

bulldyke's picture

Dang, I wrote a lot, didn't

Dang, I wrote a lot, didn't I? Oh well...50% is gaurenteed to be helpful. :-D

peace,
Bulldyke
"Hello world. I am me."

shadow fire's picture

Wow!

Thank you so much for all of the help/suggestions and tips bulldyke! I'll be sure to keep those in mind. This is going to be my first date with another guy :D (I've dated a girl back when I was in the closet and I didn't even know I was gay)

I can't wait and I'm so nervous, I'm probably going to see him on August 3rd.

bulldyke's picture

Sure thing. Good luck, and

Sure thing. Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

peace,
Bulldyke
"Hello world. I am me."

shadow fire's picture

Update

So I'm going to have to wait until the SECOND friday of August...the wait is killing me.

bulldyke's picture

Poor you! Waiting

Poor you! Waiting sucks...have you been able to talk to him online/on the phone? Tell him that the wait is killing you, if you haven't already.

Bulldyke
"I prefer the term gay because, well, lesbian has three syllables!" Emily Sailers, 1/2 of the Indigo Girls (duh)

98 percent of the teenage population will try, does, or has tried smoking pot. If you are one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy

shadow fire's picture

Ya waiting really does suck.

I haven't talked to him on the phone for a bit because he hasn't had any free time with his parents out of the house :( I've talked to him on msn quite a bit though :) great suggestion, I'll tell him about the painful wait next time he signs online *hoping its soon*