So. I'm dating a girl. It's quite lovely-- we've gone to a movie, had lunch, I've gone over to her house to watch Rent and ate frozen raspberries with her and had conversations regarding long-dead TV shows with her mom. She's a very nice girl. We spend a lot of time on the phone together, in which she does most of the talking and I listen. I'm like this with anyone. I call myself a submissive conversationalist. Unfortunately, I'm also a cronic multitasker, and therefore have found myself sorting files on my computer, playing the piano, walking the dog and various other things while still on the phone with her. She calls me on my cell phone. In my house, there are two other phonelines, and I've had to answer calls while she's on the phone with me. And when over at her house, I had to check my cell phone, as there were plans for a wedding rehersal dinner that needed to be confirmed for that night. I have a feeling this makes her feel as if I don't value our conversations. The truth is, I'm just not someone who can focus on one thing for any extended period of time unless it requires active mental participation. This worries me probably a little more than it should. She plays the violin, says she's becoming a health nut, and is falling in love with Lost. She tells stories and as a writer, I occasionally find it difficult to listen to naratives which are fragmented or not put together well. I personally attempt to avoid telling stories until I can get them down on paper. At the same time, I find this trait of constant monologueing to be endearing in her case.
I feel guilty, as she's not the kind of girl I'd fall for. And even as I say that, I feel that it's important to point out that I flirted shamelessly with this girl... she was my age. She showed interest in me. She was single. She liked girls. I flirted because she was attainable, unlike any of my former obsessions... *cough* I mean, crushes. Yes.
On a final note, I feel that while in some things I feel a guilty superiority to her in, I am light years behind her in the world of relationships and physical connections. I have never dated. I've never kissed. The only person to ever show interest in me in any sort of sexual or romantic way was more of a stalker and is now in a mental institution. That tends to lower one's self-worth just a bit. But this girl actually thinks I'm worth attempting a relationship with. As of yet, we're only dating. Nothing official. But Thursday she's catching the bus to my house and I, being the dorkiest of all dorks, will make her watch The Price Of Kissing, being that it has Pauley Perrette in it, and then show her internet videos and finally take her out for dinner.
I don't know. There are days when I feel that we are worlds apart. And yet, I still have a desire to get to know her, to be able to introduce her as my girlfriend, to do silly little things for her to show her my affection. Seriously. I don't *know*.
In other news. I've finished a new short story and it makes me happy. Perhaps even gleeful... though that may be the fault of the rainbow icing left over from the equally rainbow cupcakes that my best friend and I made Thursday. And the rainbowness? All. her. idea. Her being the straight one. I squeeed.