Because I know she reads this, I have things to say. In case she was wondering. I won't let her keep me from posting and being active on here.
What does one say when all the words have left? When my head is still spinning from the shock that you could carry so much hatred. You've somehow become another person that I don't understand. I'm not sure how I carry this simplistic mind set around. That people should love one another and no one should kill people and there are better ways than hatred. How did you become this person? Do you even recognize yourself in the mirror anymore? Because I was the one who knew you best and I don't know who you are anymore. I'm sorry to say, but I knew it was over all those months ago. In April. There is no such thing as 'loved'. Because once you love somebody and you give away that piece of you, you never stop loving them. And if I was never able to show you that I cared, maybe it was a good thing. I'm past the point where I need to think about you constantly. But I will never forget. It's weird, for once in my life, I'm alright. I know that's weird to you, that I don't need you. That co-dependent bond we had shattered and you resent it. You hate me because you feel that you should or else you're not loyal to Tiffany. Sometimes I think about you. I wonder why you're the only one I was ever able to be unfaithful to. If things between us had started differently, would it have ended differently? These things don't haunt me.
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I'm in love and it's amazing. It's kind of weird how suddenly I understand complete devotion and absolute love. I don't think you could tear me away from her. It's more than a phsical or emotional connection, we've truly got this spiritual fusion. It's like we have known eachother before and just forgot. 3 months feels like forever. I don't remember what it was like before her. I don't want to know what it would be like without her. This is a deeper love than I have ever known. And apparently it shows. My mom asked for over a month ifI was on drugs because I was acting different-HAPPY and SMILING. I ♥ Shelby. She's in Lacey with her family until Sunday. This is the longest we've ever been apart. It's weird. The last week or so, every extra minute, we've been together. I can't even begin to count the number of hours we've spent just cuddled up on my bed...And for a while there, I was worried about being able to make the first move when it came to sex. But the time just wasn't right then...But today...the time was right. Waiting worked for us...to a certain extent and then...*shrugs* I dunno...But I'm pretty sure my entire world changed in one 10 minutes time period. Funny how loving somebody changes you.
&hearts,
me