This is a supplement to my last journal; all EIGHT versions of the poem I wrote just documenting the wounds of March and April. The first one is automatic writing; which is just a technique of the surrealists that is writing without thinking about it. I don't know what happened halfway through ( you'll see what I mean when you read it), but I decided to keep everything as it is because that's the true nature of automatic writing.
The other ones are different revisions of the original, and #7 is the lyric version. Yeah I know I'm a giant nerd. And I also included a cheering-up song I wrote, taking from Version 8 (which is completely for who I wrote about in my last journal, unlike "I Did I See", which is not only about her, but a general reaction to the year).
Anyway, here we go, just take it as it is, don't analyse it, etc. etc. and that is the nature of the year in words.

Version 1 - March 25
Simple brown earth bad dead wrong
bad bird
head help why no one never can i think feel see touch
hey don't see tell think smoke why vision see feel think so much christ
think my man think what i am
now see
no one's eye has been there
long no not at all no not long at all i don't tell
i don't think every time the word i say is a big real honest
say think feel i did i see i did i see
now the prism sent that letter did never
no not me i lost my feeling underground dig
how try how to do some pen well how i did i see blues
blues down the growth of the blues i need that like bad why does i sodomg pceam d/s/f/ o ;oled ot wjo;e ot ;asted o ;ole everything i say don't you get it at all
i love the crack in the voice i love to see people redden with fear like i should that girl up close she is too beautiful i can't think of why but i liked the crack in the voice so she would tell but
she ouldn't tell the crack was for her the creak the creak in the door she closed right on me when i voiced just for her she was so beautiful I am glad she was the same as always.
can't we see i did i see i think car fast fence see when well why french i think the french are the thing like i think the french are the thing
she was it then like the large steady i was so steady that time but not today yesterday was brutal
it scarred my voice from a crack to a break my gift she didn't understand.
i didn't understand why my gift wasn't more compregensive. more concise.
red blush boys felt cool ice blue compulsion it takes over like a number i take and then get out of line

Version 2 - March 25
Simple brown earth bad dead wrong
bad bird
head help why no one ever can i think feel see touch
hey don't see tell think smoke why does vision see feel think so much christ
think man think what i am
now see
no one's eyes been there so long
no not at all not long at all i don't tell
every time the word i say is big real honest
say think feel i did i see i did i see
now the prism sent that letter did never
no not me i lost my feeling underground dig
how try how to do some pen well how did i see blues

blues way down the growth of the blues i need that like bad
why? done peace down so long and sold 2ce woe to the last whole
everything i say don't you get it at all
i love the crack in the voice to see people redden with fear like i should cos that girl up
close is so beautiful but i liked the crack in my voice i was red with the hunger
so she could tell but she couldn't
it was for her the creak in the door she closed it right on me when i said
just for her she was
so beautiful I was glad and I still am.

i did i see i think car fast see when well i think the french are the thing
like i think the french are the thing any doubt and you're gone
she was it then like steady i was so steady that time but not today and yesterday was brutal
it scarred my voice from a crack to a break it was the greatest gift she didn't understand.
red blush boys cool ice blue compulsion takes over
like the number i take and then get out of line

Version 3 - March 25
Simple brown earth
bad dead wrong
bad bird
head help
why no one ever can

i think feel see
hey don't feel think smoke
why does vision
feel think so much christ
now see no one's eyes
been there so long
no not at all not long at all

i did i see
any doubt and you're gone
don't ever criticise
no not me not ever
underground dig
how to do
some pen well how
and did i see the blues

blues way down
the growth of the blues
i need that like bad
done with peace
cos i was down so long
and sold twice -
woe to the world
everything you say
don't you get it at all

i love the crack in the voice
to see people redden
cos that girl up close
is so beautiful
i liked the crack in my voice
i was red with hunger
she could have imagined
but she didn't

she closed it though
right on me
i should have said
you're so beautiful
i was glad i still am

i did i see
and i think car fast
when i think
the french are the thing
then like steady
that time not today
and yesterday was brutal
from a crack to a break
it was the greatest gift
she didn't understand.

red blush boys
cool ice blue
compulsion takes over
like the number i take
and then get out of line

Version 4 - March 26

brown
the earth creeps all dead
and progressively wrong
i think feel see
don't feel think so much christ
don't ever criticise "not me no not ever"
bad bird head help
i was down like steady (i heard it from the blues)

i see blues! way down the growth of the blues
i need that bad cos i was down like so long - woe to the world

i think car-fast it was the greatest gift
the french are the thing and yesterday was calling
to be brutal to be vicious
well i liked the cracked-voice fast-talk
to see people red and nervous cos that girl up close was so beautiful
i was with like hunger - i was glad i still am

red blush cool
compulsion takes like the number i pull quick down
and then get out of line

Version 5 - March 27

brown
the earth creeps all dead round
down
the earth is wrong progress bound
brown

i think feel see
don't feel think so much christ
"don't ever criticise"
"not me no not ever"
i was down flat (i heard it from the blues)

i see blues! way down
the growth of the blues
i need that bad cos i was down like so long -
woe to the world

burdening
the earth news bad bird help burning
heading
the earth's talented friend true gaze hardening
burdening

i think car-fast it was the greatest gift
when friends are not true one by one
the french are the thing and yesterday was calling sunday monday
to be brutal to be vicious to be rare to be sexed to be graceful
well i liked the cracked-voice fast-talk
to see people tense red & nervous up close
all cos that girl was so rightly beautiful
who didn't deserve those or i
so too i was with like hunger but -
i was glad i still am

red blush cool
compulsion takes like when i pull the number up next
quick from a stranger's hand
and then get out of line

Version 6 - March 27

yesterday was calling sunday sunday
to be brutal to be vicious
the talented friend's true gaze hardening
burdening the earth
don't feel think so much christ
+
well i recognise the cracked voice for what it is
to see the chosen paradigm up close yes they try
but red & nervous really - see the irony
all cos that girl was so beautiful that it was tense in the air
so too was i with hunger but -
if i was glad i still am
+
compulsion wins like i pulled the next number up
quick from a stranger and got right out of line
i'm down flat now and i hurt along with the blues
+
yesterday was calling sunday sunday
and now i see the blues! slow down the growth of the blues
i need that bad cos i was down like so long -
woe to the world

Version 7 - April 3
yesterday was calling sunday sunday
red & nervous - see the irony
so too i was with hunger
so too i pulled the number

yesterday was calling sunday sunday
and now i see the blues!! slow down the growth of the blues
i need that bad cos i was down like so long
woe to the world

i'm down flat now and I hurt along with the blues
along with the blues
along with the blues

Version 8 - April 13
hey don't feel think so much christ
no one's been there
every word i say is big real honest i trusted the rhythm & the sex in the world
don't you get it at all

i love the cracked voice & to see people redden cos that girl up
close is so beautiful
but i liked the crack in my voice i was red with the hunger
it was for her the creak in the door she closed it right on
me but I was glad I still am.

i did i see i think car fast i think the french are the thing
she was that time but not today and it was brutal
it scarred my voice it was the greatest gift she
didn't understand it.

red blush boys
cool ice blue
compulsion takes over
i head out don't pull hold so much christ

Trust the Rhythm
Trust the rhythm - it's all right
Trust the rhythm - it's all right
Change the meaning of sex in the world and the boats in the pond
and the paradox of loneliness
Beat the messenger - it's all right
Then trust in his word - it's all right

Trust the word - throw yourself to the stone
The ground is wet - hear the beat of the sun
Nonsense is natural like the sex in the world and the whirl of the wind
loneliness survives
In the robes of resistance - it's all right
Your friends have it all - but it's all right