so...

graduation was on saturday... had a fantastic party afterwards... everyone that means something to me was there... it was great..

i didn't have my phone on me during the party of course but afterwards i went upstairs to get it and found a message left on my phone by a teammate... her drunk guy friends must have gotten ahold of it... calling me a dyke this and butch... telling me that they were going to kill me, blah blah blah... my mom handled it.... they won't be fucking around with me anymore....

sunday was brooke and alyssa's grad parties... grit my teeth through brooke's... her mom gave me a hug... it was the most ridiculous thing i have ever gone through.... it was physically painful to hug her back... she beats the shit out of her daughter with those same arms... vomit...

alyssa's party was great....

monday was fine.... i decided to go leave flowers and a final goodbye for my ex bestfriend/ girl who was in love with me/ girl who walked out of my life when she figured out her feelings for me.... the three of us went up together... i left the stuff on her doorstep.... i just needed some closure...

the three of us went into downtown seattle after that... cheered me up... ate shit food, played DDR (really badly) it was fun.... we drove around, and were driving back home at 4AM when i destroyed the best thing i've ever had....

brooke and i got into a convo about my "judging people"... she keeps telling me that's what keeps her from being as close to me as she is to alyssa.... i ended up talking with her about it... she basically told me that she feels like there's tension between us... well there is brooke... because i'm absolutely in love with you! i told her.... alyssa was in shock and brooke looked at me with a blank stare.... told me she already knew.... walked out the door and went to her ex-best friend's house who lives up the street.....

alyssa woke me up later on that morning and told me she was leaving... it's been 24 hours now... alyssa won't return my phone calls, my texts........ i'm stopping.... it's all over.... honestly this sounds drastic but that's what was keeping me going lately was the friendship i had with the two of them... it's all over...

ironically, i had my doctor's appointment yesterday to get on anitdepressants... until 24 hours ago i didn't think i was going to need them... now it's just keep those prozac coming....

holy shit....

alyssa will come around (i hope) but it looks like i've lost brooke....

my mom tells me that if they are true friends she will come back around.... sure.... whatever....

this is too much to handle... the only friends i had... the only people i thought would be there for everything...

people suck...