another night with brooke and alyssa.... god i love those two....

i'm starting to really get dangerous with brooke... i'm flirting WAY too much i think... and my hands.... they can't seem to stay away from her body.... dear lord... any contact with her and my brain, everything goes to shit.... someone help me....

somewhere in here she's going to find out..... tonight we're out skateboarding and she grabs the board and just starts walking away... i'm just checking her out and way too loudly say "you're fucking hot...." in a way.... i almost wish she heard me and pretended like she didn't.... i swear to god she's gay.... you can just never be sure and that's what's killing me....

she is honestly the sweetest person i've ever met.... alyssa and i are going out to see her race tomorrow night.... i'm so in love with this girl it's not even funny.... we are driving to the middle of nowhere and paying WAY too much money to see her race a fucking car... god damn i'm ridiculous sometimes...

tonight we got back to my house and she's going to get into her truck and i just look at her and say "thank you" (she helped my mom and i with some shit around the house) and she just simply said "of course" with this adorable grin.... i just wanted to grab her by the hand and be like "stay with me tonight".... don't go home to your crazy nasty family.... be with me.... god, i just want to help but she's a big girl... i know she's got to help her self i just feel like shit.... i wanna take the pain away....

she's not eating much of anything.... that's a pretty good sign the cutting's about ready to come back..... shit.... i knew it was going to have to get worse before it got better..... if only the simple hugs and praise i give her was enough to deter her.... ugh