No, they're not really interrelated, however, my mood as a byproduct of wanting to slash those peoples' throats led me to tell my brother I'm gay.
Sooo, I could write some stuff that would be pretty easy to deduce who I am from, but suffice to say I had a weekend with a bunch of people who I never knew. I got to be friends with these people and it was all cool, a couple of them were even obviously queer and I would've LOVED to have stayed longer to actually talk to THEM and maybe start a relationship relationship.
However, tonight I'm upset still because of the way some of the 'friendships' wound up. I'm in the mood to put the whole story down with names and addresses and the whole shebang, and it would be way easier, but anyway.... I got selected to do something, 2 others wanted to do it, I provided ample reasoning, was fluent and comparable to them in dress... the other two were short and convoluted but got picked to do what I expressed as REALLY wanting to do. This happened more than once, so it's basically that: the friendships I thought I had forged meant nothing since the others got 'voted' for instead of myself.
I want to slit those peoples' throats since it's just SO bad, and I can NEVER in my LIFE be selected to do those things EVER again, and it would've changed my YEAR. I even banked on the Goddamn things and applied for a Co-op to change my school schedule significantly. Now I can't even really change anything, since I was at least good enough to not say anything much, rather than risk blowing up at them.
Some of that may come off as being spoilt, but I still don't see why the fuck what happened, happened. It would be like 3 candidates running for President of the US-of-A. One of them is a great speaker and does a great campaign, the other two will receive more votes based on ethnicity, and/or playing the sympathy card. WTF?!?!?! And these are people that expressed caring TOTALLY about a good campaign, yet they're voting for the other 2 people.
The weekend was fun 'overall', except tonight really dragged me the fuck down, and I don't like having 'fuck' all over the place, but it's just so bad and I hate them so much. Imagine being the devoted sister/brother in a family, who takes care of the old folks, who drives people, who listens to their problems etc. etc. You play the lottery with your family and one day you win, but your non-devoted pair of siblings are awarded the prize, yet they DO nothing to deserve it.
And then on the way home from this horrible thing, I had the most meaningful/longest convo with my brother that I've had in upwards of a year! I half-vented half-talked with him and asked him about honesty and truth and then asked for his stance on gays. He said he doesn't care, so long as they don't bother him. I told him I was gay and that I'd told my mom and cousin before and lalala they're in denial a bit, he asked if I thought he was stupid and I'm joking, or are you serious. I said I was serious and he said ooook, and accepted it just fine and the rest of the drive went fine and we were talking.
Yay, one more down, too bad I'm not in such a mood more often, damn. Oh wait, then I'd have to get backstabbed by motherfucking godforsaken 'good morals, intelligent, well-off' friends who are REALLY my equivalents, but are mentally total godforsaken morons who choose things randomly or to somehow spite me. I'm so mad. Oh, and one of the queer kids I wanted to go up to and just chat him up... but I didn't want to seem too gay and I'm not out to any of the people I was with.
But on the whole, I hope they all die, normally I wouldn't wish so much hate on someone (and it's sort of on me, in a big sense) but I just feel so wronged right now. I really WANTED what I set out to do this weekend, tried TWICE and got SHAFTED by my so-called friends for 2 people who don't really know the majority of them, but lalala. FUCK.