according to my profile, i started an account here 14 weeks ago. i posted a few times, but i never ended up writing journal entries. i went through a paranoia phase when i was sure that my parents were reading everything i decided to post online...but i think i'm past that by now. so...here goes.

in 10 days i'm going to meet 8 women that i practically worship when i see SISTER SPIT! they're a group of queer female poets on tour, and they'll be in chicago the week after my birthday. i am beyond excited. adrenaline has been oozing out of me like an infectious disease for the past week. only 10 more days.

so i'm going to be at a bookstore...alone...with a huge group of lesbians and 8 mind-blowing writers. oh god. i've never done this before.

well...there *was* the ani difranco concert i went to in october with my best friend (who recently became my first girlfriend...and then my ex girlfriend). i have never seen so many gorgeous women with fierce musical taste in my life. there was this girl who looked *exactly* like shane from the L word...M and i accidently on purpose stalked her the entire night. we giggled like idiots when we saw her at the bar...then she ended up behind us in line for the bathroom...and then (of course) she and her girlfriend were sitting right behind us for the concert, making out like lip-sucking squids while ani rocked out.

that was my only "ahh there's dykes everywhere!" experience. i don't think i lifted my arms all night because i was sweating so much. yeah...i was a little nervous. girls make me nervous. lesbians steal my sanity.

so back to sister spit...i'm going to meet michelle tea. i think i need to say that again for emphasis: i'm going to meet michelle tea. i think i'm going to need an oxygen tank.

i started reading some of her essays and short stories online last year. since then, i've scoured indie bookstores like a fiend for copies of her books. i actually scored a copy of Valencia at the local Borders (in my town, that's like finding a little beacon of hope). i danced right there in the aisle. at the moment, the gay and lesbian section has actually expanded to cover not one, but *two* horizontal shelves. that's where i found ali leibgott's new novel and michelle tea's new anthology.

i was taking acting classes in chicago last summer, and every day i would write while i was on the train, desperately trying to emulate michelle tea's raw energy and storytelling. her stories exposed me to this other dimension where there's lesbians and misfits and poets everywhere...the fact that these stories are *her* stories makes them even more exciting. i know that her world exists.

she performed in chicago during the gay games and i was determined to see her...but the Hot House made it one of those "18-and-older" shows. but i had this crazy idea that i would see her on the train or the El, so i carried my copy of Rose of No Man's Land all week. pathetic, i know.

so now i'm going to meet her. for real. do you understand my level of utter disbelief?

more importantly, i'm going to be in a room full of women who love michelle tea and eileen myles just as much as i do. and most of them will be dykes.

i don't know many lesbians. my ex girlfriend is bi...there's one girl at school that i talk to once in a while...but other than that, my options for dating are almost nonexistent. this is my opportunity to meet people. this will sound so unlike me but...oh my god, what am i going to wear?