Hey. I'm 16, from PDX, drastically confused, and vaguely terrified.
It's been 2 years, give or take, since I've started to be consciously.. genderquestioning? I saw another person on the forums refer to themselves as gender-whatever, and I think that captures it pretty well, save for the fact that I go for long periods of time identifying psychologically as a guy, with occasional, seemingly random bursts of feminine spirit (am physically a girl).
Here's the thing - it seems like everything I read, and anyone I've talked to who's older than me and trans was like.. absolutely positively certain since they were like, 5. And then "oh, I was 12 and I came out to everyone I knew and started hormones when I was 17!!" Well, ok. That's cool. So does that mean that since I'm not entirely completely set-in-stone sure of being either way, the questioning stuff isn't legit, and I must just be in some stupid, teenage phase? I don't think it's a phase, it doesn't feel like a phase, but it scares the shit out of me sometimes that I can't figure myself out one way or the other.
So I guess what I'm wondering is - does anyone else seem to go back and forth like this, or stay directly in the middle without identifying particularly strongly with either gender? Is anyone else scared out of their mind, or is it just me? And if anyone else is feeling particularly gender ambiguous, are you ever hesitant to let anyone know what's going on, simply because you think they won't take you seriously since you can't go either way with any real conviction?
I haven't been able to find anyone my age to talk to about this, so I figured I'd join here and post as a way of looking for some discussion, support, other opinions. Any thoughts on the whole thing would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, all. :)