I haven't gone to group much in the past while. Not since that stuff with Britt happened. Britt being my ex, I don't know if I've mentioned her. Not much happened between us. Not much of a break-up dispute either. We're still pals.

Mind you, that crush on my friend Caitlyn I had until around Christmas is coming back to bite me in the ass. I have no feelings for her anymore, I can't even imagine being with her without feeling a little awkward. And recently I've been feeling bitter towards her because of how she screwed around with my emotions so much. She may not have meant to, but I was so fucking confused and depressed because of her.

I just found out today she likes me.

She was tlaking to my friend/new majot crush Sylvia on MSN last ngiht and I heard word that they were talking about me. Sylvia mentioned she jsut heard some juicy gossip about me and someone else. so today, I asked Sylvia what it was about. And she freaked out, wanting so badly to tell me, but couldn't because she'd sworn to secrecy, and couldn't tell -me-. So she made a deal with my friend Luke; she'd tell him, and he'd tell me.

My friends are strange, I know. Luke took forever to finally say it, and I already had a gut feeling what it was... Sylvia said I'd be happy and that it was good news. Luke told me Caitlyn likes me. Sylvia suddenly got all cheery until she saw my face.

And asked why I'm not happy about it.

I couldn't say it. I'm a little pissed at Caitlyn for the way she screwed me around. She took too long to find out how she felt about me. And aside from that... I'm stuck on Sylvia. She knows it too. I guess she figured that if I knew Caitlyn like dme I'd date her, and forget about my Sylvia-crush. Cuz she's dating a boy right now, even though Caitlyn had recently told me Sylvia kind of likes me too.

Anyway. There's a fucking line-up for Sylvia, every straight man and every gay girl wants her. caitlyn is lined up for a bunch of guys, for weeks she's been crushing on one guy and has been pretty annoying about it. She threatened that one day she might not be here anymore because he wouldn't date her. Then she'd say, "Oh well, there's still Tyson, and Justin, and some other guy, and some other guy. and blah blah blah."

And me... I really don't want a relationship right now. Not with just anyone.
There's only one girl I want to be with. And I'll probably never be with her.
I don't care about anyone else and I just don't want a relationship badly enough to just date anyone.
It's Sylvia or no one. Pretty much. That's not to say I'm waiting for her to become single and want me. I mean. I am, in a small way, but honestly. I just want to stay single. I want to commit to my friends only. They'll always be there for me; a girlfriend won't.

Relationships aren't what makes the world turn. They aren't the purpose of life.
The meaning of life is just to live. So why burry all your hopes and dreams in something so unstable as a relationship? Something so ridiculous and trivial as a crush?