For a good few months I've wanted to come out so badly. Even more so with the Day of Silence, seeing that the school is hostile but with that glimmer of hope. Also, reading Keeping You A Secret scared me, but also gave me courage.

Going to school everyday, I feel happy with the part of me that is hidden. I'm me, I love being gay. I feel normal, natural (for the most part). I realize that no matter what, someone will find something about me to make me isolated, so why not be isolated while being the honest image of myself? And if things go bad, no big. I have a little less than a month of school before I graduate. And I feel I should have a taste of being out because at college I hope to be out on day 1. No more hiding. No more shame. No more fear. Good or bad, isn't it worth being myself?

The ONE thing holding me back: my family. Mostly, it's my older brother and dad. It's the same older brother that read my college admissions essay of what being gay means to me personally (it's a past journal entry http://www.oasismag.com/2006/11/perhaps-i-hurt-myself-in-the-long-run)
Quickly said, I told him about me and he believes it's a phase/identity crisis. He tries to act like he's my father, and he helps my parents make decisions on raising/instructing us, so he's a great obstacle. Another is my father that is homophobic. When something is implied or said about his children being gay, he gets a really hurt feeling (he suspects my older brother, the one I was just talking about, is gay).

But, my sister-in-law knows and is very supportive. She says her husband (my other older brother he's #2) has had his suspicions but doesn't really care. Brother #2 doesn't seem to care so much anymore. My mom has told me that no matter what I am, she loves me because I'm her child. I dunno, but I believe the odds are in my favor, but the road may be bumpy.

Method of coming out: ask my gay friends to spread it amongst themselves, then to others. I want to wear a rainbow cloth bracelet to school (i'm gonna make it). My younger brother goes to school, so he'll carry the news home. Is this the wrong way to do it? I don't want to confront my parents, I'd rather they hear from someone else. Is this wrong?

Jeez, I really want to do this...