Well, it turns out that a boy in my class has a crush on me. Not only that, he's also liked me ever since last year. Weird. I've gotten these "lovey-dovey" vibes from him lately, but before today, I was wondering if I was just seeing things. Since I learned today at lunch that my two best friends have noticed it, too, though, now I know for sure that he likes me.
This is completely awkward. I’ve never had anyone like me in a “more than friends” way before. How the heck do I deal with this?? He doesn’t even know that I know. All he’s ever done to show that he has a crush on me is repeatedly say, “Hey, watch this!” during the middle of class when I’m trying to listen to the teacher. (My male friend C told me that this is a universal sign that a guy likes you.) We're both writers and have talked about writing with each other, so he also let me read the first few chapters of this story he had written. (Actually, he didn’t “let” me read the story. I never requested to. He kind of forced it on me and asked me to look at it.)
Help? Please? How am I supposed to tell a guy who doesn’t even know that I know that he likes me to buzz off?
Meanwhile, something else happened today that shocked me completely. When I asked my friends why the heck anybody would crush on me, my friend C said that if he weren’t in a relationship right now, he would seriously consider dating me. “But I always wear baggy clothes and I’ve got short-ass hair!” I exclaimed. “So?” he replied.
So apparently, I’m…pretty. That is really, really strange.
I don’t have that much self-esteem when it comes to my appearance. It’s not like I hate how I look or anything, I’ve just never really thought of myself as remotely good-looking.
I actually talked to my new crush today, which was a major achievement for me, considering my terminal shyness that suddenly takes hold of me whenever I’m around a girl I like. During my class' free period today we got to go outside, and I was trying to work up the courage to just go up to her and casually say, “Hi! By the way, nice jacket.” She was sitting in the middle of a HUGE group of people, talking to her friends, and I felt completely out of my league. I never did it. I couldn’t go up to her and pay her a compliment. I feel like such an idiot.
When free time was over and it was time to go home, though, I caught her by herself. I managed to tell her that I liked her backpack. No, please. Hold your applause. She smiled and said that she liked the keychain that was on my own backpack. She noticed that there was nothing at the end, and asked what happened to it. I told her that it fell off. I still feel embarrassed about that. Why did she have to notice my stupid, broken keychain? I wish I had something “cooler” to impress her with or something.
I am horrible with girls. I’m terribly shy, not exactly self-confident, and I have a really hard time making the first move. Well, at least I’m trying hard to get over it, right? That should count for something.
How do you get over shyness? What is a good way to produce self-confidence? If anybody has the answers to either or both of these questions, I’d like to hear them.