I worked 'til about 10:00 last night. The coffeeshop closes at 9:00 but there was a lot of clean up to be done. The fryer gets changed every Tuesday in case the fish from the Friday fish special starts to make the fries taste like clam chowder.
Mom came in after she got off work and had a cup of coffee. I guess she was checking up on me to make sure the folks there were planning to keep me. I introduced my mom to Bessy who owns the place and as I worked they kept nodding and smiling in my direction so I guess everything is OK. The only words I caught were something about "Was his daddy tall?"
I have heard that all before. I guess I get my height from my dad because mom is only 5' 6" tall. Dad was 6 feet four inches tall.
The house is coming along pretty well. Mom bought some draperies for the dining room and painted the kitchen with the help of Paul and Chucky. I think Danny helped with the trim.
The more I think about being gay, the more anxiety I have about how it will all work out in the sceme of things. I am sure not ready to come out to anyone especially my family. Somehow I just think telling anyone that I might be gay would make me look weaker and less masculine. That is one thing I really don't understand. Most gay guys I have read about and seen, hate sports, love fashion, like to be around girls for company, are really outgoing and Like to dance.
I love soccer, don't really care much what my clothes look like, would much rather be around the guys than a bunch of girls, I'm very shy and can't dance at all.
All the stereotypical gay attributes seem to leave me cold. I'm glad I am a guy and very pleased with the body I have except that I would like to gain some weight. I have yet to come across a gay guy that doesn't immediately strike me as effeminate in some way. Is that gaydar or have I just met the wrong gay guys?
I like cars, motorcycles, trucks and wood working tools. According to a recent article I read, about the only gay thing I do is play the piano, but then there are a lot of stright guys who do too. I don't have a lisp or weak wrist joints and people are alway telling me that I have a deep voice for a sixteen year-old. So what the Fu%#? Am I just going through a stage where I am curious about sex with boys or am I destined to develope all those silly habits.
If I were ever confronted with a gay sexual situation I'd probably have coronary heart falure. On the other hand I have had a few innocent encounters with a babe or two and not had a problem with it. Maybe getting what I finally wanted would be the acid to make me fall for a guy.
I will remain curious for the time being. I understand that is a valid and viable state to be in for a short period of time. When the time is up I guess I'll have to choose but I don't think I could ever be all pink and flashy like some gays guys I know, so what gay guy would want me?